Pardise Lost
by Redrose999
Summary: Something is wrong with Heero Yui. He tried to murder Duo Maxwell, and Duo is dead set on finding out why.
1. Chapter 1

Paradise Lost

By Red Rose

Chapter One

Help

When I was younger, so much younger than today

I never needed anyone's help, help in any way

Help me if you can I need it now.

Help me if you can I need it and how

Won't you please, please help me.

The Beatles

Heero

The warmth of her soft flesh tingled through my palms and down my arms as I tightened my grasp. My heart pounded relentlessly against my chest as she gasped helplessly. She thrashed, her long wheat colored hair whipping at my face as she reached out to me. "Why?" Breathless words gasped out.

I found myself shivering. As her life slipped away, mine intensified. Killing was the only way I felt alive. It was what I was trained for.

Pale blue eyes flickered with horror and anguish. The woman's delicate fingers brushed up against mine in an attempt to free herself.

I smiled thinly.

I dropped one hand away relishing the brief flicker of relief brightening her gaze.

She went to speak. "Heero, I love..."

With a flick of the wrist, a knife triggered to my palm and I plunged it into her gut and wrenched it up into her chest cavity. The sickening crunch of bone and cartilage sent pulses of pleasure over my body.

The body went limp and dropped out of my hands.

Motionless I watched it as blood pooled about the woman's ethereal features and shapely figure. Her hair quickly became scarlet... My mission was over.

To my surprise, the body changed.

The alley about me came into focus.

I blinked as if wakening from a dream. Suddenly I had no idea how I had gotten there or where there was. The last thing I remembered was working on my computer, and falling asleep before a glowing green screen.

I was alone, surrounded by decaying boxes and rusting garbage cans. Confused, I took a deep breath, then looked down.

The body was there.

I killed her, but I had no idea why.

I lifted my hands, numb. Crimson dripped off my fingers and ran like deep rivers in the lines of my palm.

"Why?"

It wasn't the first time I woke up from a dream and discovered someone dead near by...

What was happening to me?

Fear gripped my gut. Slowly, I sank to my knees, a mixture of terror and anguish knotting in my throat.

I vowed a year ago the killing would stop. I was no longer an assassin, nor a terrorist. I had no missions...

Yet some part of me couldn't stop the murders. People didn't seem like people. They didn't feel, nor did I want to believe they did.

That part of me still didn't care.

It wanted death.

In the silence of the night, I screamed.

I don't know how long I walked, it must had been days. A part of me didn't care. It just drove me to move on. I had to find him. I had to find my friends. Only they could help me now.

My instinct and portable PC lead me to a small church outside of Boston. It was modest, with one bell tower, a church yard and a fresh coat of white paint. The windows were stain glassed and elegant in a colonial sort of way. In many ways it reminded me of the churches I saw in children's books as a child.

I stood before the double doors, wondering if my sources were right. I took a breath. I was a damned soul and had no right to step foot on holy ground.

But then again, I never gave a shit for what people thought.

I pushed open the door and walked inside.

A priest dressed in black stood near the entrance and smiled at me gently. "Good afternoon young man, is there something I can do for you?"

"Confessions still happening today?" I asked studying my surroundings. Two confession booths stood near the wall along side a long row of pews. The main altar was at the end, and an elderly woman knelt on the cushions below the crucifix. Why was I here?

The priest looked at the clock over the door. "Brother Maxwell is still hearing confessions, for another ten minutes."

"Humph." I brushed past him and headed toward my salvation. Part of me scarcely believed it. Still, I pushed all my disbelief aside and ducked into the dark booth. I needed him more than ever now. "What do I say?" I asked, voice husky and awkward. Flashes of blood and women's screams repeated in my every thought. I was a psycho, lost a world of violence and blood.

No one could help me.

An all too familiar voice chuckled some, in good humor. "Well, you can start with bless me Father, I have sinned."

I swallowed feeling fear again. "Bless me Father. I have sinned."

There was a long silence. Then a shuffling. The little door between our booths slid open and a bright boyish face framed with a head of light chestnut brown hair peered through. "Heero?"

"Tell me, Duo, if I'm a sinner, what's a guy who claimed he was the Grim Reaper doing as a priest."

"Taking confessions, what does it look like." He said cheerfully. He hadn't changed since I had known him a year ago. As always, Duo was making do with his life the best he could with the best humor he could do it in. I envied him. The boy was still innocent. So innocent he was attempting to pick up his life were he had left it off. In the church. The once self proclaimed atheist had returned home.

I bit my lip tasting blood. "Good, that means this is confidential. You can't tell anyone, right?"

The smile on his face began to fade and was instantly replaced with worry. "Yeah... What's wrong Heero?"

"I'm going insane, Duo. I can't control myself." I said evenly. "I need your help. I'm killing people, and I don't know why."

He shuddered then leaned forward so I could see his pale face. In the end he knew we were both killers. The war made us that way. "What are you talking about? Heero? What the hell is going on?"

"I told you, I don't know." I whispered. I bowed my head and buried my face in my hands. I hated him seeing me this way. Duo only knew me as cool and deliberate. He knew the killer, not the side filled with guilt and remorse. "Help me."

The boy's gaze narrowed. "How? "

I shrugged. "I need a place to hide and someone to talk to. You're the only guy I trust."

"Ok, I'll see what I can do." Duo looked about suspiciously. "Why didn't you contact one of the others?"

"They aren't obligated to keep their mouths shut by a holy vow." I replied. "You are."

"Bastard." He gritted his teeth and looked down at his crucifix. "You know, I'd really like to get ticked off at you, but I'm too tickled you came to me for help."

"I don't ask for help." I said unable to meet his stare. "Besides, priesthood doesn't fit you."

Duo's brow furrowed. "Let's not go there. My terrorist days are over now."

"Yeah right. I don't think Shinigami has breathed his last breath." He never wanted to admit it, but Duo was just like me. The difference was he tried to like what he did. Shaking, I came to a stand. "Confession's over. Let's blow this place. I'm not comfortable here."

The boy cleared his throat and shook his head. He began to laugh quietly. "Hmmm, you mean you're not going to let me save your soul?"

"I don't have much of a soul to save," I admitted. "Just like you, but I don't hide from the truth with good humor, a cross and a smile."

Duo

We walked in an uneasy silence. In all the years I had known him, I had never seen Heero like this. He was pale from sleeplessness, his gaze filled with fear and confusion. In the past, I suspected he was human and felt terror and pain as we all did, but he never dared to show it. Now he stumbled beside me, his gait slow, his mind lost in thoughts I shivered to think of. Heero was psycho and proud of it. Only towards the end of the war did he realize what a conscience was.

Now something bothered him, and he wanted me to do something about it. I smiled inwardly. Despite my worry, it was a good sign. The old Heero never pleaded for help, especially to me. Whatever happened to him terrified him enough to come to me. Me of all people, the guy who followed him around and fished his sorry little ass out of trouble. The poor schmuck who couldn't leave well enough alone and got his face beat in for a psychotic with a mission and was never thanked for it.

A mission we all shared.

A mission I was trying to atone for by starting at square one. The church saved my ass as a child. I owed it my life. I heaved a deep breath, forcing my thoughts to the present. Father Donaldson told me to leave the past alone, and I gladly did so. I didn't regret what I did, and in many ways I did it for the Church and their God. Uneasily I adjusted my collar, then slipped a hand to the stained wooden cross around my neck. Father said God forgave those who were sorry for their sins.

Even the Grim Reaper, and now the Reaper's hung up his scythe for a cross and Bible.

Heero was wrong about me.

I stopped at a door at the end of the hall and opened it. My chambers were bright with the warmth of the summer sun's heat. The thin curtains on the window fluttered in a faint zephyr. "Home sweet home." I said, gesturing for him to enter.

Heero shuffled past, his shoulder nudging mine as he walked by. "Cute. Entirely not you." He muttered looking at the cross hanging above my bed board. He slouched on the foot of my bed and stared at me with piercing dark eyes.

I tried to ignore him, knowing well he studied my every move as if I were an enemy. I turned my attention to my home. My chambers were simple; one bed, a plain wood table with a coffee pot and clock radio set neatly on its surface. A dresser sat in the corner and was packed with what few belongings I owned. Most of my stuff and my travel company, I donated to my former girl friend Hilde. I winced remembering the day I left her. I still saw her sitting at her kitchen table, a tea cup in hand, blank face as I informed her I planned to become a priest and give up my life as a soldier with a very promising career in terrorism.

The past was very sneaky. It always crept up on me, reminding me I was more than a novice in the Catholic Church. No sweat. I removed my white robes and hung them in the closet with a few other garments.

"Now, that's the Duo I remember." Heero said, more at ease. He looked out the window. Birds sang sweet melodies in a nearby tree. Troubled pain washed over the other boy's face once more. "So why did you become a priest."

I shrugged, and touched a small leather bound bible on my dresser. "Why did you become a terrorist?"

"I didn't have a choice," he said smugly. "I'm sure you had a choice..."

I shrugged and sat down beside him. "It was something the people in my past thought I should do, so I said, oh what the hell, I'll become a man of the cloth."

Stunned, Heero blinked . "Just like that?"

I smirked and winked at him. "Just like that."

He moaned and buried his head in his hands. "Great. Well I guess it could have been worse. You could have become a Mormon or a born again Christian."

"I thought about becoming a Mormon. The idea of having lots of wives sounded kind of cool, but Hilde didn't go for it." This was no good. Heero never engaged in small talk. He was avoiding why he was here. My mouth went dry. I licked my lips and stood up. "Coffee?" I asked, trying to set him off guard.

"Only if it is black."

"I know, black and strong enough to melt the spoon and start a car." I crossed the room and rinsed the coffee pot in the tiny sink beside my dresser. I had to plan out a strategy to interrogate Heero. He'd keep tight-lipped if I didn't approach him right. "So, what happened?"

I heard the soft spring of a body pressing into the mattress behind me. A brief glance showed Heero laying on his side, moist gaze blankly focused on the door. "I need you to help me."

"Yeah, you keep on telling me that, but I need to have the details." I set the pot on the hot plate and prepared the coffee. Moments later, the pot was brewing and I had two mugs. I liked lots of sugar and cream with mine and was looking forward to having a good batch of coffee. "Spew whatever you know."

"I'll spew in my own good time." Heero snapped.

"Great." I put one cup down, turned to face him and eyed his long jean clad legs. Spots of dried crimson dotted the cuffed pants and his white T-shirt. "You know, you're smelling up my bed." I said. "You at least owe me a good story for it."

"You've reeked a lot worse." Heero sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees. He bowed his head so his unruly mop of brown hair covered his face. "I've been having dreams. In them, I'm killing people... women mostly, and when I come out of them, there's always a body."

I swallowed. Out of all of us, Heero seemed the most appreciative of our work. He killed without provocation, and was often guiltless. I jokingly called him the psychopath, but never believed him as one. The man killed for his mission and was trained to be cold blooded. Killing innocents with no purpose wasn't in his character. Worry twisted my gut. "Hmmm, sleep homicide." I tried to make light of it, knowing that was what he expected. I folded my arms and scratched my chin. "This doesn't sound good Heero. "

"Shit, I didn't need to get a second opinion from you, Brother Maxwell." He stressed the word brother sarcastically. "What do I do?"

"I think..." I began pouring the coffee. It was easy to believe he perhaps deluded himself. It was very common for soldiers to flip out and have hallucinations after a war. "You're suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome."

"I don't think so." He snapped. His fist tightened. "It's really happening. I'm killing and I can't control it. It's like I'm sleep walking."

I handed him his coffee cup and hoped the caffeine would relax him. With my luck it would bug him out more. "Ok, you're sure it's real." I almost told him to turn himself in. What he needed was psychiatric help. If the war and his training got to him, there was nothing I could do save become a victim myself. I bit my lip. But I was a stupid loyal bastard and like every other good lemming wanted to help him myself. After all, he did come to me, and he was my friend. Doctors were incapable of understanding Heero like I did. "Ok, do you think someone is messing with your brain?"

He shrugged. "Possibly."

It was a start. "What happened when you left Relena's?"

He paled, then twitched his fingers and cracked his thumbs. Guilt formed a frown on his drawn features. "I got a job in Bar Harbor on a fishing boat."

"A fishing boat?" Now I was surprised. "How..."

"I'm just killing things again. It's just fish don't have much brain power so it doesn't really count." He shrugged. "I'm good at killing things. Anyway, I don't remember very much after that. The next thing I know I'm wandering the streets and I'm having nightmares."

"About killing?"

"What else."

I shouldn't have asked. He hadn't changed one bit. I leaned my back into the bed board and studied his face. He was holding back. "Anything strange happen between the time you started working and when you started having bad dreams?"

He pouted then wiped the expression away with angry frustrated eyes. "Nothing. No, wait..., I keep feeling cold. Sometimes in the dreams, I feel like I'm drowning."

"Ok, that's a start." I said. I sipped my coffee and tried to piece together his words. I could guess what had happened to him, but it wouldn't tell me for sure. What we needed was evidence. "Did you use an alias?"

"Yeah, Kiro Yamamato." Our gazes met. How ironic. Yamamato was strongly associated with the concept of peace.

I felt a chill. "We can look up that name on your PC and then we can trace what happened to you." I said hopefully. It was a start, and I wondered why he hadn't thought of it. I went to ask when I noticed his gaze change.

Heero seemed to vanish. Death danced gold fire in his eyes.

Gold fire, just like the Zero System.

Before I could move, his hand drove something into my gut and twisted up. The coffee cup in my hand dropped and shattered on the floor. Pain sliced into me, making me gasp and my vision blur. Too shocked, I grabbed at his hand in an attempt to wrench it free unsuccessfully. Blood spilled over my hands and the warm ooze of lacerated viscera trickled between my fingers. "Heerrroooo?"

He pulled his hand away, his features masked red from the splatter of my blood. Heero grinned, ecstasy maniacally flooding over his young face. "I'm sorry Duo." He said voice gruff with pleasure. "But it felt sooooo good, I had to do it. You'll understand some day... I promise. I told you, I don't run from what I am, I embrace it."

Gulping I tried to reach him, unable to believe he'd just gutted me. The anguish intensified. The room darkened, but I still managed to grab on to the fabric of his T-shirt as he stood up. "Heerrooo? Why?" The salt of blood burned my lips. I gagged, dribbling red from my mouth and down my shirt.

The face before me flickered. Death stared down at me and smiled. "I just thought it was time for you to meet the Reaper."

Blackness enveloped me.

Heero

Blood, his blood smeared my face and shirt. I burst down the hall, too frightened to look back, unable to believe what I had done. It was like looking at myself from a distance and having no control over my body as it did what it wanted. And yet, it was what I wanted. I hated Duo. He had no right to be innocent. He had no right to return to the world he remembered as a child.

Tears filled my eyes as I burst from the church. The startled gazes of priests stared off at me as I bounded and fell down the steps into the streets of the small town.

What had I done? Duo, I killed Duo? But why? What made me do it? I ran faster, my ears just picking up the shouts of people from behind. They found Duo, now they were going to call the authorities on me.

Why did I kill him? It was like an overwhelming urge driving me to force the knife into him. I had to have his blood. It seemed to quench the emptiness inside of me. Duo was my only hope. With all my will I forced my body to slow. I no longer understood why I ran. I killed him...

The images of his stunned and pained features as I stabbed him raped my every thought.

Duo. Tears dribbled off my chin and down my neck. They were cold. I shivered, the sensation of drowning washing over me again.

A car rolled up beside me, and the window opened. A dark-haired man smiled thinly at me.

"Your mission is over Heero. It's time for you to come home."

My body convulsed, I felt myself begin to fall.

My mission.

Unconsciousness claimed me, but my last thought remained with him.

Duo, Shinigami, I killed the Grim Reaper.

God forgive me.

Duo

Blazing agony speared my body with a veil of red-hot light. I huddled, cradled in its heart, swaddled by the pure anguish.

"Bother Maxwell!" A voice spoke from beyond.

Sound faded in and out of my mind, bathing me with an assault of dizzying sensation. Warm, cold, screeching cries, I floated among them, unable to touch any of them. Everything blurred into together like a black hole eating away at my senses.

Fingers touched me, voices hovered over me, but I didn't care. I wanted it to stop. I wanted silence.

Heero betrayed me.

That pain alone was unbearable.

"We're losing him!" Another voice whispered.

A jolt shocked through me. I felt my body tremble.

Then white engulfed me.

I seemed to be floating, the world around me distant.

I saw me, laying motionless, women and men dressed in green scrubs darted about my form in a flurry. I could see the wound they struggled to bind. It was a deep gaping gash oozing with thick purplish fluid. On a tray was a pile of whitish gray tissue bathed in blood. Morbidly I stared at it, fascinated. I never saw my guts before and wanted to record the event in my consciousness for eternity.

Another jolt rolled over me as the doctors pressed electronic pads into my chest. I felt myself spasm. Despite all this, my face was at peace. I stared at it. They had efficiently shoved a tube down my throat and bound my hair away in a plastic cap. My chest wasn't moving and I was deathly pale.

I was dying.

A sickening steady bleep pierced the air.

The white light in the room intensified, swallowing everything in it's wake.

A voice spoke as it was drowned out by the fire. "We've lost him, moment of death, Tuesday June 9th..."

Blackness.

"Patrick." It wasn't a voice, it was a sensation. It flowed over me, a river of comfort.

I hovered in vacant space, lost save for the brilliant light taking shape before me. In awe I stared, unable to look away. White golden wings, several seemed to take shape about a women's form. "Patrick..." She said. A name I did not know, but somehow knew at one time it was mine. "You're so far from home now." She said her words heavily accented with a mother's tender touch.

I felt small and frightened. I wasn't ready to die yet. I hadn't yet atoned for my life. I was too young to die. My life just started. I almost cried. It was unfair, my death seemed so meaningless. Heero...that bastard had some explaining to do after I found him. Even if I was dead, he'd have to pay his dues.

Heero. Whoever screwed with him was going to die, even if I had to return from the dead.

"Mother?" I spoke, my words tiny in the vastness of the growing void. Yet I knew she wasn't who I thought for she felt greater than a mere relation. Was she Death?

"Ohh fuck... I can't be looking at an angel..."

She wasn't alone. I recognized Solo, and so many others I saw death take away in my childhood.

Suddenly my thoughts of revenge appeared very unimportant. I was drawn here. I wanted to stay.

This was home.

"Funny, I was sure I was gonna take the express elevator down." I said realizing my words weren't words but a state of being.

We were separate, but all one collective consciousness. The entire universe was piece of one bigger whole. I could see the expanse of space and millions of souls united together in harmony. They were the sun, the moon, the trees, the planets, they were life. I longed for it. Perhaps this was what I was looking for. I reached out for her. Life was bad enough, death was bloody confusing, but I could live with it.

The being shook her head and I saw Solo smile.

"Hey, Duo. It's not your time yet. Remember Heero."

"He needs you, my child." The being of light touched my hand sending tingles of comfort and well being through my soul. My vision expanded and I was looking at a boy sitting alone on a cot, knees to his chin and tears spilling down his face. Heero, for a moment a part of me became him. He was broken and pained at my loss. He needed me and I was a lemming. I had to go to him despite my regrets.

It was unfair. He even messed up my afterlife.

I hated being responsible.

"You're not God or anything are you?"

Golden eyes looked though me.

Not God, but something like it.

Death maybe, but a part of me at the same time. I didn't understand. It was a real bummer.

"But I don't want to... I belong..."

The pain in my gut returned full force, hammering me back into blackness.


	2. Chapter 2

Paradise Lost

Chapter Two

Maxwell's Silver Hammer

Bang Bang, Maxwell's Silver Hammer

Down came down upon her head

Bang Bang Maxwell's Silver Hammer

Made sure she was dead

The Beatles

Duo

I was lucky. I revived, to the doctors' surprise, and they continued the operation. For a day I was barely conscious in intensive care, vaguely aware of Father Donaldson seated at my side. The second day, I was in and out of consciousness and grateful for the sleep. I wasn't up for much talking so I spent most of the time reflecting over my life.

In many ways I was sure I was destined for priesthood. Even more so now. I often claimed my black uniform was in atonement for those I killed. Now I was giving my soul to them. Death made things very clear. My life had changed. Something burned inside and death no longer frightened me. I had seen an angel. I spent most of my time pondering my experience.

Still, my thoughts often drifted to Heero. I was exceedingly concerned for him. Sure I'd give him a word or two for letting whatever conditioning he had take over and carve me like a Christmas duck, but I forgave him.

When I had the free chance, I planned to do a little poking on his life in Bar Harbor. Hopefully I'd recover enough to play on the computer I built for Father Donaldson in his office, but a part of me was resigned. I didn't have the time. My body didn't want to recover at the pace I willed it to.

On the third day I was moved from ICU and into a new brightly lit room with two large glass windows. Again, I slept most of the day, admiring the heat of the sun's rays on my body. Though I was in pain, the morphine they gave me made it very far away. I drifted in and out of sleep. When my mind was clear enough, I watched some TV or read the Bible and prayed a hell of a lot.

Again I wasn't much for talking, and Father Donaldson didn't push me. He knew I was very upset about Heero and gave me my own sweet time to talk about it.

On the fourth day, I was coherent enough to remember everything that had happened to me. Most of all, I marveled I could move with some effort and decided it was time to leave. Heero needed me. Though I no longer shared a gestalt with him, my gut told me he would be on the move soon.

Sitting up set off an alarm of anguish in my body that pivoted me back against my pillows. Weakly I panted, and waited for my vision to clear of the multitude of bright flashes assailing it. I felt awful, but I knew I had to get to Father's office and find out what happened to Heero.

Gritting my teeth and bracing for the wave of pain, I slowly sat up. The effort paid off. I was in a simple hospital gown with an assortment of IVs imbedded in my arms. I hesitated before pulling them out and made sure I knew exactly how they were placed. Escaping hospitals wasn't one of my specialties, especially in the shape I was in. My condition could easily change for the worse if I wasn't careful.

"Duo, from what I understand the doctors plan to keep you here for at least two weeks," Father Donaldson's voice spoke from the doorway.

I rubbed my mouth, tasting sour paste. "I have to take a piss and my mouth tastes like rocket fuel Father." I replied. Determined to prove my point, I pulled out the catheter. "Yuccckk, I hate that thing." Pissing through a tube wasn't the most inviting experience I ever had. But then again, I didn't ask to be gutted by my best friend. Then there was the bed pan. Talk about gross.

Father Donaldson shook his head. "Now, now, let's watch the language son. I thought we were working on that." The gentle faced man seated himself in a chair beside my bed. Amused he watched me stumble painfully to my feet and grab my IV drip. "I admire your stamina, Duo. You must have made a very good terrorist."

"Tooo good." I replied arduously shuffling across the room. My stomach muscles screamed with every movement. "Hot damn, this isn't fun... I hate pain, I hate pain..." My words became a chant as I made my way across the room to the bathroom. My bladder wanted to explode. "Heero I'll kill you if you got my kidneys."

"No, they're intact, but I'm afraid they had to..."

"Remove some of my large intestine... I know, I know, saw it on the tray in the ER when I died." I straightened myself the best I could when I reached the bathroom, then turned very deliberately to face the toilet.

The task at hand proved to be a little more difficult than I planned. I needed both hands to hold myself up on the railing, let alone the wall, and it took one hand to aim my dick.

I should have stayed dead.

I swallowed, and laboriously seated myself on the toilet and relieved myself.

After twenty minutes of catching my breath and meditating on dulling the pain, I washed and made the long journey out of the bathroom. Patient as ever, Father Donaldson passed the time with a book on the maintenance and repair of Harley Davison.

"You know, I hurt and it's very hard to keep my manners," I said sounding very much like the street kid I once was.

Donaldson just shook his head and closed his book on his lap. "You're still young, Duo, I don't expect you to reform overnight. I see you're trying very hard and I admire that. Not many young men come off the battlefield determined to surrender their lives over to God."

I paused, ignoring the cold chill of air against my bare buttocks. "Father, do you think I belong in the priesthood?"

"Only your heart can tell you that, Duo. Are you ready for the sacrifices it entails?" He always asked the hard questions.

Puzzled I reflected inward. I was alive because I had a destiny to fulfill, though I didn't know what. The Angel, or whatever it was (I resigned to calling it an angel because it reminded me of one of the pictures Blake depicted from Dante's Paradise Lost) encouraged me to rescue Heero, so I was sure he was a part of it. I swallowed. If I became a priest, I would have to abide by standards against my training as a soldier. Before Heero showed, I was ready for it. Now I wasn't sure. Heero's presence made me believe there was still danger.

Was that my destiny? I bit my lip, but failed to feel it though the pain in my belly.

"If my intestine was cut, doesn't that mean I'll have to take my dumps in a bag?"

Father Donaldson cocked his head and chuckled. "Funny way of changing the topic Duo. But to answer your question, most likely."

"Damn, that's what I thought." I looked down at my bare toes, then realized I couldn't feel my hair against my back. For one panicked moment I reached up on top of my head half expecting to find nothing but stubble. To my relief, it was there, tied in a tight bun, out of the way. I exhaled and fumbled with the knot. My hair was my pride. I promised myself as a child I'd never cut it once I was in the position to grow it. Many years had gone by since and it was just about down to my knees.

The long locks tumbled free of their binds and dropped down into my face. I quickly brushed it back behind my ears. The cold chill against my rear vanished. By the saints, I loved my hair.

"To answer your question, I don't know."

"As I thought." Father nodded, all knowingly. "Your friend. What happened with him?"

Embarrassed I was caught off guard. I shied my attention to the floor. "I think someone's using him."

"Using him? Duo, what are you trying to tell me? Is he working for someone? OZ maybe?" Father sounded concerned.

I pushed my bangs from my eyes. "No, Heero was frightened. He's in trouble. I think he stabbed me because he was ordered too."

I heard the creak of a chair and the rustle of clothing. Father Donaldson's hand fell to my shoulder. "Then he is working for someone. A few witnesses saw him get into a car without plates after he stabbed you."

"Against his will." I met his stare. Heero was definitely working with someone. "It's happened before." I caught my breath. "We were trained not of serve our own needs and we were often coerced into fighting." But this was different. Donaldson's warm affectionate gaze relaxed me. "Father, I want to say more, but he made it a part of his confession...so I can't." Frustrated, I closed my eyes, feeling tears sting my eyes. "I have to go."

"I knew that too, my son." Donaldson smiled. "But you won't be going alone, will you?"

Confused, I shook my head. Of course I was alone. It was what Heero wanted. Then I realized what he meant. I'd never be alone now. I had seen my first real miracle.

"It's funny. When I was a kid, Sister Helen and Father asked me if I believed in God. "

I clenched my fists, recalling my troubled boyhood. "I said, I haven't see any miracles yet, so no. But I believe in the god of death cause I've seen many dead people."

"You came back to us Duo, because it was God's will."

I nodded weakly. "I saw an angel. I got my miracle."

"Then my boy, you must reflect on this." He embraced me tenderly, his touch gentle as a feather. Weak, I pressed my face into his shoulder and for the first time in a while, I sobbed.

I had my miracle. It was time to move on.

It was time to hang up my robes and become Duo Maxwell, pilot, demolitions expert, thief extraordinaire. The difference was, this time, my soul was saved.

By the middle of the second week, I was crawling the walls. I hated the hospital, and I felt markedly better. So much better, I talked Father Donaldson into discharging me two days before my time was up. Within twenty four hours, I was packed with one duffel bag of clothing, and a backpack of plastique and other terrorist stocking stuffers, delivered by one of my many contacts. Before I hit the road, I dropped into Father Donaldson's office, begged for the keys to his Harley, and nabbed some comp time with his PC. It wasn't difficult to tap into Bar Harbor's local newspapers and employment rosters. Sure enough I located Mr Yamamato. He lived at a local boarding house called Aunt Mae's and worked for a fisherman called Roberts. Sure enough he had an accident about three months ago. He was hit by a pulley hook and knocked off the fishing boat in the Bar Harbor Sound. They thought they had lost him when they couldn't find his body. Four days later he turned up at a local hospital with a bad case of amnesia. After that, his whereabouts were dubious.

Hmm, it was worse than I thought, as I expected. Someone put the mind woogie on here, most likely in the hospital. But to set my mind at ease, I decided to go to Bar Harbor myself and check things out.

Armed with only my wit and a few grenades, I said my farewells, hopped on the bike and set off.

And I must say, the bike was sweeeeet. We soared down the highway for a couple of hours. Hot summer air whipped by, blasting my body with it's needle like exuberance. For the first time in months I felt alive. Not even the painful tug of my stitches touched my mood.

I was living on the edge again.

A day or so later I rolled into Bar Harbor. The long ride made me sore and all I could think about was finding a bed and collapsing when I found an inn.

Yet something made me delay that thought. I parked the bike in front of a local 7-Eleven and dumped several quarters into a pay phone. Though I didn't plan to betray Heero's confidence, I did intend on giving myself some back up. I flicked my bangs away from my face, and stared at the snow filled video-phone screen. I hoped I didn't look too ill. Pulses of pain flared now and then in my belly in an attempt to remind me how injured I still was. The long ride aggravated the injury, especially since I failed to stop, save for food occasionally and an hour nap or so. My body was amazingly resilient. I found myself able to last quite some time without eating or drinking. Days if I had to. It was convenient on a mission.

"Yes?" A pretty, auburn haired woman answered the phone. Her lovely features where framed by curls and fine make up.

I broke out in a broad smile in hope I could hide the fact my face was pasty pale and body dead tired. "Catherine! How ya' doing?! Is Trowa around?"

Her brow furrowed suspiciously. "Yes, he's around." She said softly. "How are you doing Duo? We haven't heard from you in a long time."

I unconsciously touched my throat half expecting to grasp at my priest's collar and adjust it. Instead my fingers grazed against bare flesh. Today, I wore a white T-shirt and a pair of black jeans. The only sign of my vocation was my crucifix. "I've been very preoccupied." I said. Already I sensed she didn't want me to talk with Trowa. Catherine didn't approve of our lifestyles. My fingers curled around the crucifix and twisted the thong it hung on. "I just wanted to see how he was. Actually, I'm on sabbatical and wanted to visit with him." My first lie. My first broken commandment since I left the church. I hated myself for it because I never liked lying. As a kid, I prided myself on not being a liar even though I was a damned good thief.

Guilt tightened my gut. I was on the rapid road to Hell and it was all downhill.

"Sabbatical?" Curious she cocked her head.

I laughed. "Yeah... Well ah...I'm sure he must already know about it. The guy knows everything after all."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Duo." Catherine said, rather annoyed. "Look, Trowa isn't interested in fighting anymore. The war is over."

My lower lip twitched. I was transparent as glass. Sometimes life was very unfair. "Look Catherine, I'm in a heap of trouble, ok. I need to talk with Trowa."

She folded her arms. "What kind of trouble?"

"This isn't about fighting,...not yet at least. I can't tell you everything, just that I need Trowa."

My stomach knotted. For a moment, my voice sounded just like Heero's in the confessional booth. I breathed in and winced, pain twitching my face some.

Catherine's features became concerned. "Let me get him."

A second later, Trowa's calm reserved face appeared on the screen. "Catherine tells me you're hurt."

"Just a scratch." I said hurriedly. I looked around making sure no one was watching or listening to our conversation. From what I guessed, Heero had someone watching him all along, so why not spy on me too. When I was sure it was safe, I began to talk again. "The line isn't secure so I can't stay on for long." Just long enough for Trowa to run a trace on me, or so I hoped. "I'm trying to do something for a good friend. I can't say what."

"Ah... I remember calling Hilde looking for you. She said you went into the priesthood." Trowa informed flatly. There was very little anyone could hide from him. Like Heero, Trowa specialized in information and espionage. "If it is that dangerous, I could call a few friends and assist."

"No, I need you to stand by. I don't know enough yet to call in the fucking Calvary." I said trying not to sound worried. In all truth, I wasn't looking forward to a conflict now. I hurt too much and was aware if there was a fight, it would probably be up against Heero. I rubbed my belly gingerly. "Talk to Father Donaldson. He can show you where I went."

"Ok. Are you sure? You don't look very well."

"Better than ever." I said with a smirk. "Got to go, places to go, people to upset, things to blow up, the usual stuff."

He shook his head, as if troubled, but his face remained lifeless and blank. "You're making a mistake not to bring us in now, but I'll be standing by."

Part of me wanted to break my promise but I held fast to it. If I broke my vow, I'd never be worthy of priesthood. "Thanks. Hang cool. I'll be fine. Duo Maxwell, signing off!"

I blanked off the screen and pulled down my cap over my brow. I felt a little better now. Trowa and the others would be here in a matter of days, if not hours. It would depend on how fast Quatra and Wufei got to Earth. Hopefully, Quatra would secure a few mobile suits or, if not, some other form of heavy artillery.

Boy I missed the Death Scythe.

What was the Grim Reaper with out his Scythe?

I shivered. The idea of fighting again excited me.

Remorseful, I slunk back to the bike and straddled it. Maybe that's what Father Donaldson saw in me. I was a soldier still.

No, not a soldier. A terrorist, trained to kill.

"Oh well, no hair off my chest." I looked down at my shirt and chuckled. "If I had hair." I kicked the bike to a start and rolled out of the parking lot.

I collapsed in bed the instant I located a hotel. It was a pleasant one near the water and its rooms were a modest price.

After sleeping for only an hour, I woke up and ate a huge meal of eggs, toast, steak and chocolate mousse cake. When I finished, I showered and ditched my T-shirt and jeans for a pair of cut off shorts and tank top. Before dressing, I rewrapped my wound, happy I didn't pull any stitches on my trip. I came close many times, but the internal stitches hung in there keeping the ugly scar together.

Though I would have preferred sleeping more, I was restless. I kept seeing Heero alone and lost when I closed my eyes. His time was growing shorter. With no more adieu, I left my room and trekked out for Aunt Mae's.

The sea front was bustling with fishermen and dock workers. A few ships were docked at the main pier, and heavy labor mobile suits loaded and unloaded cargo. I marveled at the small exoskeletons piloted by deckhands. It almost felt like I was looking back in time.

A few fishing boats pulled into harbor, their nets full and dangling over their decks. I thought of Heero and wondered why he decided to take on a career of fishing. It didn't fit him.

Then again, he didn't seemed to think priesthood fit me.

I pushed the thought out of my mind. After all, I could be what ever I wanted and when this was all over I'd return to the Church.

Until then, I was playing the happy tourist (as opposed to the happy terrorist). I brushed my bangs from my brow, warm from the hot summer sun. The dock reeked of fish and oil mingled with salt air. Not the most pleasant smell, but I had been exposed to much worse. Death and its stench was firmly imprinted on my mind. I rubbed my arms recalling poor Solo as he expired.

"Woow... It's them memories man, they really screw with the mood." I said to myself.

The dock before me stretched out into a marina where large and small boats were moored for the season. The smell of fish dwindled and vanished as I made my way away from the working docks. Thankful, I shifted my attention to the bay and islands dotting the coast line. Bar Harbor got its name from the rows of islands in the bay. When the tide was low, every island connected to the mainland, making it possible to travel by foot or vehicle to the islands.

Beautiful. I stopped and watched the sailboats and recreational sport boats as they pounded the surf. "Now, that's living." I shoved my hands in my pockets and closed my eyes. Just for a minute, I let myself absorb the peace around me.

The feeling of the being's touch returned. I believed now, inside of my heart, I felt a warmth. The loneliness I felt as a kid was no longer there. I knew the people I loved were in a better place than this now. I held my cross, remembering the first time I entered Maxwell's Church as a child. I looked up at Christ as he hung on the crucifix, his face drawn in anguish moments before the hands of death closed his eyes, and wondered why he sacrificed himself for humankind. It seemed stupid at the time, but I understood now. I sacrificed my soul, my sanity, in the war against OZ. A part of me died then.

The boy who had hoped for a miracle vanished the instant he donned his priest's collar and stepped into the Death Scythe Gundam.

"I think I'm back." I said. "But why am I doubting myself all of the sudden? Is it the job? I'm getting moody again. Ok, Duo, you think to much." I told myself. "Thinking is bad... got to stop it one of these days." Opening my eyes, I blinked out the blast of light and started on my way once more.

Aunt Mae's was a quaint pink and white house surrounded by a picket fence. Poised on the lawn were two tacky plastic flamingos. I studied them for a moment. What in god's name possessed Heero to move into this place? Didn't he have any taste?

"Maybe it's already too late for him."

Attempting to ignore the flamingos, I walked up to the front stoop and knocked. It opened almost immediately. A large woman with graying hair around her shoulders answered. Pointedly, she placed her hands on her hips and stared at me from head to toe. "What do you want kid? If you're selling girl scout candy or cookies, I'm not interested."

Candy? I pouted. Whatever made her think I was a girl scout? She must have been as blind as she was obese. "Hi! I'm looking for a friend." I said extending a hand.

She didn't attempt to open the door. Rather, she glared at me through the screen like I was a bug crawling near her foot. "A friend?"

"Yeah, Kiro Yamamato. I understand he lives here."

Her face formed an irritated frown. "Kiro isn't here. He took off without paying rent. If you see him, tell him I have lawyer friends."

My patience was wearing thin. She wasn't cooperating the way I wanted. From the looks of it, I would have to take a different tactic other than shooting her where she stood (oh God what I would give to lob just one grenade in on her). "He just left?"

"Yeah. He blew his job and his rent. Not many people around here are happy with him." She said. She motioned to close the door.

I widened my eyes in an attempt to make my face look child like. "Did he leave anything behind? I mean so I can find out were he is. It's very unlike him to take off with out telling anyone."

Lie number two came out with little or no remorse. I had to get into that room, even if I had to break into it.

"Nothing is there. A couple of guys in uniform came and took everything." She said.

Uniforms, it made sense. "What kind of uniforms?"

"Romefeller of course." Her piggish eyes glared at me. "There's nothing more to tell you. Have a good day."

She slammed the door, sending hot stinking air into my face. "Have a nice day." I mimicked angrily. "Bitch."

Ok, I have to do it the hard way. With a sigh, I turned around and made my way back to the docks. Hopefully Mr. Roberts was a little more cooperative than Ms. Big Fat Bitch.

Roberts told me to go away. He wasn't interested in talking about Heero, and when I kept prodding, he told me he'd call the cops. To worsen the blow, he told me to get a hair cut too.

Heero made a hell of an impression on these people.

Discouraged, but not defeated, I returned to the room and laid in bed for about two hours. By then the sun set and it was well into nightfall. I didn't sleep long. I dreamt about Heero again. This time, he was screaming holding his head, agonized.

I sat up abruptly, body shaking like a leaf. The image was so clear I almost felt like I was a part of him again and shared his pain. Puzzled, I made my way to the bathroom, and stared at myself.

I ached still, this time from lack of sleep as well as from my wound. My eyes were glassy and bagged. "If I didn't have to work tonight..." I said to myself. "I'd shoot up some morphine and sleep."

Life was never that kind. I grabbed my backpack and rummaged through it. I located a box with a few syringes and one bottle. Normally I stayed away from the stims, but I needed them tonight. I felt so crappy, I'd never make it. The last thing I needed was to land my ass in jail because I screwed up a break in. With that, I prepped a syringe, wrapped a rubber about my forearm, and injected the serum. I had pills, but they took a half hour to take effect. I needed something fast.

Sure enough, my brain cleared of all sleep in a matter of moments. Quickly, I cleaned up, dressed in solid back, and crept out into the night.

I kept my picks carefully concealed in my hair, and six knives hidden in my clothing. Unfortunately, I hadn't accessed a gun in fear it would violate my present moral code (It made killing easier to do, and I often avoided killing if I could).

The night was cool and moonless. It made it easy to keep to the shadows and sneak around.

Roberts's Boat was cake to break into, but I found nothing to satisfy myself.

I broke into the Fat Bitch's via a second story window near a tree. It was open, so I didn't have to do any fancy work with the door locks.

I climbed in and crept around the dark halls. When my eyes adjusted to the dark, I could see very clearly. It made navigating her house effortless. After a few minutes, I located Heero's room. The lock was a bolt lock. All I did was slip in a pick, feel around and click it open with a twist of the wrist.

Trespassing...Wasn't that a commandment? Damn, they were falling like flies. I suspected Father Donaldson understood this was destined to happen the instant I left him.

I pushed the door open and slipped in.

The room was bare save for one bed, a dresser and a table in the corner. I studied it carefully. My mind superimposed the room with an imagined facsimile of what I thought Heero would do to the room. "A computer on the desk, clothes tossed over a chair or on the floor, an unmade bed and papers strewed everywhere." I mumbled.

His scent was very faint, but there under the heavy salt air. "If I were Heero and I knew I was in trouble, what would I do?"

I tapped my chin and looked at the long floor boards. One seemed particularly scuffed up. I dropped down and studied the markings. A narrow knife blade appeared to have been inserted in the cracks and board wedged up.

"You sly bastard..." I worked quickly. I inserted one of my own knives and pulled up the board silently.

There, nestled neatly in a bundle of papers was a small sack. I swiftly picked it up. It was light and flat to the touch. A book no doubt. Knowing Heero, he recorded his antics here down for future reference. I twitched as my belly flashed pain. Perhaps it was left here for me.

"No time to worry about it." I told myself.

With that, I cleaned up after myself and left Aunt Mae's boarding house.

That is, after toilet papering those damned flamingos.

Heero

The pain had stopped. I lay on my cot, gaze focused on the vacant gray walls. By now, I knew every inch of my room right down to the cracks in the ceiling. I no longer saw it as my prison. It felt more like home now.

I sat up, weary from a long day of training. Alexie said the drugs I was on would curb my homicidal tendencies. With luck, I'd have control over my mind again. I just wish I hadn't gone to Duo.

The kid didn't have a chance against me. Although he hadn't lost his fire, he was working damned hard to put it out. I didn't understand him. In the past, he talked about God and death as the same. Why did he deny it now? I dug my hand in my hair frustrated. Now he was dead, by my hand.

Duo, a man I swore to protect. Instead, I killed him.

The tears stopped coming days ago. Now I felt numb when I thought about him.

He was gone. Nothing mattered anymore. I hugged myself and huddled on the cot. Life sucked.

A creak of light slipped into the room. Alexie's face appeared. Gently he smiled in an attempt to reassure me. "We'll be moving on soon, Heero. The next phase is beginning."

The next phase. I stared at him blankly, only half understanding what he meant.

The next phase meant I had a mission to train for.

I climbed off the cot.

A strange prickling sensation tickled my belly. I looked down in surprise, half expecting to see my own guts rolling on the floor. Instead I saw bare skin. I made a face. "Duo.?"

Alexie just smiled, and closed the door.

Duo

A full night's sleep and a bath set the stage for a remarkable morning. I soaked in the deep tub for about 20 minutes, reading Heero's journal, fascinated. He was on another one of his quests to discover himself. Apparently his trips to the colonies directed him here.

"Hmmmmm. Verrrrry interesting..." I dropped the book on the toilet and sank under the water. My hair floated around me like a bed of kelp. I planned to keep it down until I left this morning. That way I could air it out before I braided it back. I made it a task to keep my hair healthy and brushed it two times a day. Then the abuse of tying it back wouldn't do too much damage.

I tried to hold my breath for five minutes, but realized my injury keep me from staying under the water for more than two and a half. Shrugging it off, I climbed out of the tub, rewrapped my wounds and brushed my hair out. The moist sea air brought out whatever wave it had in it, so I had to brush for a while longer or else it would become a rat's nest.

Damn, I had a lot of hair. I admired it in the mirror, tossed it over my shoulder, and grabbed the book. I set up shop on the patio after dressing in a over sized Bar-Harbor T-shirt and a pair of dark blue Speedos.

Room service brought up a continental breakfast shortly after. I clicked on one of my favorite Beatles CDs and spent the morning studying and eating muffins, fruit and coffee with an occasional sip of orange juice. Now and then I watched the sailboats glide about the islands in the bay.

The journal touched many things. Apparently Heero discovered his name in a Romefeller data base with an attachment to another file he could not obtain. Consequently, he located the base on one of the nearby islands and was going to hack into their system.

After a great deal of time he came up with several names. Akira Yuy (holy shit!), Patrick Reily, Quatra Winner, Peter Sergai Bloom, and Chang Wufei. I sucked on my lower lip wondering if Heero was related to the Heero Yuy?

Goose bumps pimpled my flesh, I dropped the book. A warm sensation knotted in my throat. I scanned the names a second time.

That name.

The Angel called me Patrick.

Trembling I lifted the book again and examined the page. Yes. It had to my name. Two of the names on the list were people I recognized. We all shared many things. We were experimental Gundam pilots in the war. We were all the same age, and had very distinct personae. I scanned down the text, seeing how Heero came to the same conclusion. The scientists who worked with us planned everything out, including our personalities and how we'd work with each other.

Nothing was left to chance. We were augmented and set up all our lives to become pilots of the particular Gundams we were assigned.

They let people in my life suffer so I'd identify with the Death Scythe.

I shut my eyes to tears. The disease that killed Solo and so many others didn't touch me. I thought I was lucky, but the truth was, it was planned. I was immune to it to witness their deaths.

I fumbled for my cross and held it for comfort. It took a great deal of discipline to control myself from tossing the table over and screaming my goddamned lungs out.

"Bastards!" I whispered. "They're all bastards...So help me god...!"

I put the book down once more, unable to read on. If I did so, I'd vomit or set out to assassinate my mentor and his colleagues. That is if they were still alive.

To cool down, I stood and walked to the edge of the balcony and leaned on the rail. "Somehow, I think I knew it along." We were only weapons to them. Weapons to forge and build, just like the Gundams. I just wish I was told. "Heero didn't live with any delusions. Why did I have to?"

I grabbed a corn muffin off the table and bit into it. A breeze rustled my hair blowing it into my face.

"There's nothing I can do about it now." I said with my mouth full of muffin. Nothing, except for saying lots of prayers and hoping God would give me a little mercy. "And things are just going to get worse."

The CD player began to play Maxwell's Silver Hammer and my spirit lifted some. "C'est la vie."

I began to sing along, changing the lyrics to Maxwell's Silver Beam Scythe and cheered right up.

After a while of debating, I went back to the book and read the rest.

When I was finished, I decided to do a little sightseeing and visit the local Romefeller installation on one of the Bar islands. I might even get some hiking and photography done too.

I smiled at the swooping gulls as they cried out and danced over the air.

"Hmmmmm, I think it's a good day for hang gliding..."

Hang gliding was a blast. It enabled me to get some really awesome shots of the base quickly and quietly. But not too close to the base because it was daylight. Besides, I had to get the feel of the rigging. It was the first time I used a hang glider and to be honest, I wasn't look'n forward to the idea of free falling without zero gravity (I could see the head lines, splattered teen news at eleven). Once I felt comfortable enough with manipulating the steering bars, I came back to earth.

I saved most of the gliding for the evening and spent the rest of the afternoon puttsing around trying to find out about the tide and renting equipment. When I finished, I rested, aware the pain in my gut was worse.

That evening, I set out again. I swooped down off one of the nearby cliffs like a great bat and flew right over the sea. The wind was strong and carried me right to my destination without too much fuss. God damn, (another commandment shattered in my wake) to my surprise, I spied mobile suits. It could only mean one thing. Earth was rebuilding their forces. My chest ached as I soared by. The last thing I wanted was another war. I kept the glider low enough to the ground not to be spied by radar, and it was dark out so the night colored canvas was nearly invisible. I used a specialized infrared Camera to take my pictures, knowing Trowa would have the facilities to develop the rolls when I sent them to him.

The following day, I went for a cruise on the bike, over the sand bars and to the islands surrounding the base. Security was heavy. No one was allowed on the island without a pass, and they did many scouting missions around the nearby islands. I did notice a few scattered security cameras about the one I was on, but I was able to dismantle them long enough to locate a safe hiding place.

Once there I camped out in a tree, ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watched the base with a set of binoculars. "Just like old times." I told myself, unraveling a Hershey chocolate bar. "Camped out in a tree, watching the Ozies. I really do feel like I'm vacation."

I took several more photos and before I left the island, I even made sure I took one of me standing in front of the camera smiling with my happy terrorist T-shirt and combat fatigues. Trowa would be amused to say the least.

Later that afternoon, I went fishing. I caught two flounder and three shots of Aries series mobile suits with my telephoto lens. I did a full circumference of the base, keeping my distance of course, and tried my fishing luck on the other side. I took more pictures of the installation, and tapped into some radio conversations with my state of the art listening devices.

Security was simple though tight, and moved in shifts. I'd have no problem sneaking on the island by water at night.

Not long after formulating my plan, I managed to reel in one cod, and a ray that nearly knocked me and my equipment out of the boat. Damn fish. I fried that one up for supper on a nearby beach, just based on principle. The sucker was tough as hell, so I ate flounder and cod instead.

I returned to the hotel a few hours after mailing a thick package of film and files to Father Donaldson to give to Trowa. My body ached and I sported a very nasty sunburn. I wasn't raised on Earth, so I wasn't accustomed to worrying about the sun nor did I realize the importance of sun screen number 40. All I wanted to do was sleep now. I'd worry about everything else later. "I hate the sun." I moaned sitting gingerly on the bed.

Crazy as it was, I missed L-2.

Most of all I missed Hilde. But after what I did to her, I'd never be able to return. With a sigh and an effort, I slipped out of my T-shirt and tossed the dirty sweaty thing to the floor. My shorts followed as did my underpants. I finished surveillance. Tomorrow I'd prepare for infiltrating the base, and hopefully rescue Heero. A moment later, I was out like a light.

"He's alive, isn't he Alexie!?" Heero said following close on the heels of a tall dark haired man. They were both dressed in elaborate blue short waisted jackets and tight white pants. Heero seemed glazed eyed to me, and very troubled.

The older man looked over to Heero and studied him. "Does it really matter? He's no longer your concern."

Heero looked away, guilt and anger flashing in his dark eyes. "You should have told me. Duo is my friend."

"We have no friends in this business, Heero." Alexie stopped walking and folded his arms. His features were displeased. "Have you forgotten that? You can't afford to have anyone in your life now. The process makes it very dangerous."

Heero's gaze dropped shamefully to the floor, lost in grief. He clenched his teeth and formed tight fists. "We all under went the process when we were trained as children... Duo and the others should know."

Alexie formed a thin smile. He nodded to Heero amused. "Time with tell, Heero, time will tell..."

"What are you planning?" Heero went to grab his arm, but Alexie stepped away effortlessly. "They aren't a part of this!"

His face suddenly froze. Heero then jerked, his hands reaching for his head. He began to scream...

I startled awake, my brain burning with hot searing anguish. I grabbed my head, screeching as I doubled over. The pain was incredible, unlike any I ever had before in my life. It throbbed and wailed like a high pitched siren. I thrashed back, skin pinching from my sunburn and fell against my pillows. I couldn't think, nor could I see anything but a blaze of red, white and black flashes.

I found myself thrashing, my body no longer under my control.

Then the pain stopped.

My hair hung sloppily in my face and it took a moment to blink the spots of purple and white from my vision.

"Heero." I breathed his name, wondering if he was the center of my seizure. The dream appeared real (although I barely recalled it's contents), like the others I had, but I only half took them as something more than dreams. After all, I wasn't an Esper.

But somehow, Heero and I must have shared in a gestalt.

The faint flickers of buoys in the Sound blinked through the pale curtains. I felt the sea breeze cool my pulsing warm skin. I turned to my side and watched the flutter of fabric. Stars winked in the distance.

"Heero. I'm coming."

Blackness returned.

I woke a little earlier than usual this morning and soaked in a tub of cold water. My skin ached as did my wound and I wanted to baby my body as much as I could before going out tonight and breaking into a major military installation. After two hours, I mustered the strength to move from the tub and put a towel about my waist. I stared in the mirror for a minute noticing how beet red my body was. The only place I wasn't burned was my dick and butt (saved only by a pair of swimming trunks (stupid me kept taking off the T-shirt yesterday). "Christ. I look like a boiled lobster ready for a clam bake."

My wound was red, but not from sunburn. I kept it wrapped all the time. Rather, it was a bit pusey and swollen and very warm to the touch. I aggravated it hang gliding and god knows what I would do to it tonight when I went scuba diving.

A knock drew my attention away from my reflection. I quickly grabbed a short robe and went to the door. If I was right, it was room service with my waffles, eggs, ham, and sausage.

To my surprise it was a small dark haired girl in a simple pink blouse and tight cut off shorts. She had a very large duffel bag at her side. Pleasantly she smiled, her round face wet with tears. "Hello Duo. Mike told me you were asking for some toys..."

"Hee... Hilde?" The name cracked from my lips. I stepped back, as she showed herself into my room and placed the bag on my bed.

"I know I'm not a courier, but I talked him into letting me bring them in."

"Ahhhh." Incapable of words, I struggled to comprehend how she managed to find out about my activities. Most likely one of my contacts informed her I was back in action. But why, by god, did she make the trek to Earth just to deliver my guns?

"You know, you're a hard man to find." She said closing the heavier curtains and unzipping her bag. She pulled out three different guns. One pistol, a sub machine gun and an assault rifle. With them, she had an assortment of clips, belts and boxes of bullets. "In my car, I have a mobile suit piercing rocket launcher. " She then smirked and put her hands on her hips. "But that might be a bit much for a little squirt like you."

Weapons, guns, and Hilde. It was enough to make any man, novice or not, get a hard on.

Her milky white legs were shapely and shifted weight under her gracefully as she walked around the bed to meet me face to face. "Yeah, but this little squirt can pack a hell of a punch."

"Sure can. So how's priesthood?" She folded her arms, irritated. "The old priest told me you were on sabbatical. Interesting sabbatical, I'd say."

I shrugged, sitting very carefully on the corner of the bed. "Yeah, something came up, but I intend on going back when I'm done."

"How can you do that with a clear conscience, when you're playing happy terrorist." She said. She looked away, a sparkle of tears rimming her eyes. "Damn it Duo. Sometimes you really piss me off."

Awkward I hunched my shoulders. Guilt caught in my throat. I was a slime, the biggest slime this side of Earth, and Hilde came all the way from L-2 just to tell me so.

I pulled my robe around me and stared at the strands of long hair draping over my legs and bed. "I'm sorry, Hilde."

"Sorry? Sorry? Do you know what I've been through?" She snapped. "Wake up Duo. I loved you and thought you loved me! It hasn't been easy you know. I depended on you and you just walked out because you had to run away from yourself!"

I took a deep breath and braced myself. She was going to lay into me hard. I deserved it and sat there quietly as she ranted about what an ass I had been. When she cooled off, I looked up, tangled bangs sticking to my forehead and face. "Hilde, I know you don't understand. I did it because I loved you, and knew I was a walking time bomb."

Startled, she cocked her head. "What do you mean?"

"The nightmares didn't stop until I took the vows and only then did I feel like I had washed all the death from my hands." I eyed my fingers. Many times in the past I woke up seeing blood and hearing screams of my many victims. I shivered and hunched my shoulders. "I need to find myself. I didn't want to hurt you. I knew if I stayed, I'd just go mad."

Her face softened and she sat beside me. Her warm body pressed into mine.

Her fingers prickled as she took my hand into her own. I easily ignored the pain of the sunburn and nestled my head into her neck. "You should have gone to a doctor, not become a priest, Duo. You're not well. I knew that then. You never looked right to me. Your eyes were always disturbed and distant. It made me worry."

"A shrink can't save my soul." I whispered.

"Then why are you here?" Her delicate fingers touched my chin and cupped my face.

Funny, my eyes stung. I blinked tears. "A friend needs me." I whispered. I opened my mouth to explain, but she seemed to understand.

"You stupid, loyal bastard. He's gonna get you killed someday."

She kissed me.

Grateful, I returned it.

Suddenly I was riding on cloud nine. The sunburn ache vanished with my other aches and pains.

Hilde was back, and I still loved her.

Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a priest after all. I just needed a way of settling my guilt.

The way to cure pain is a good screw in the sand with an incredible lady who looks good with a sub machine gun. Nothing could spoil my mood now. Hilde and I were back as a team, and her touch was everything to me. We spent the day going over my plan, holding each other and laughing a lot. I even showed her the pink flamingos. She was filled with vigor and chattered non-stop about kids and marriage, and me seeing a psychiatrist when we got back to L-2.

All I could think of was her holding that rocket launcher and blowing away tanks.

When it was time, we set out in a rented outboard and tossed anchor about a 1/4 of a mile from one of the islands near the base.

The moonlight glittered over the water, making little waves sparkle like diamonds in the dark. I stood on the stern, zipping up my dive suit, while Hilde made sure equipment was properly water proofed in airtight plastic bags. Quickly she concealed them in the duffel bag I'd be carrying.

"The tide's with you." She said smiling as she handed me the bag. "But I'm worried about you carrying that tank on your back with that wound."

I shrugged, feeling very energetic. Nothing less than God was going to stop me tonight. I grabbed her friskily and smacked a long breathless kiss on her lips. Her body was very warm and I found it impossible not to unbutton her top and fondled her firm breasts. "Let's have one quickie... Just one..." I panted eagerly. "I still have a few minutes."

She gave me a firm cold gaze. "I've packed several grenades, and the submachine gun like you requested. Do you have the pistol?"

I patted the front of the bag. "All ready to go." I leaned to kiss her once more, but she nudged me away. God forgive me, but I was really revved up tonight. "No time for a little midnight nookie?"

"Keep your pants on, honey. I'm not in the mood." She said buttoning her shirt and folding her arms. She didn't seem to understand living on the edge made me feel high as a kite. "I'm worried about you."

"I'll be fine." I picked up the tank and with her help I slipped it on. Thirty extra pounds on my back made my stitches pinch and ache, but I'd be in the water soon, so in theory, the pain would be relieved. I strapped my mask on and pulled it over my head. I smiled again at her.

She was beautiful in the night. It made her hair and eyes sparkle like perfect gems. I touched her face, affectionately. "You have the rifle. If anyone come near you, I want you to run. No fire fights, not unless you have to. Don't wait for me past the rendezvous time. If something happens to me, you have to tell Trowa everything we planned today." Glassy eyed she nodded, lips trembling.

"Be careful..."

I winked. "Don't worry. You're talking to Duo Maxwell. If someone bothers me, I'll just use Maxwell's Silver Hammer on them." With that, I tapped my bag and caught a giggle from her.

"Like what you did to those poor flamingos?"

"Poor? They were tacky as hell. I did them a favor."

We kissed once more, then I took the plunge. It was going to be a long, long night.

Continued in Paradise Lost : Chapter Three


	3. Chapter 3

Paradise Lost

Chapter Three

Don't Fear the Reaper

The door was opened and the wind appeared,

The candles blew and then disappeared,

The curtains flew and then he appeared,

Said, "Don't be afraid,

Come on, Mary,"

And she had no fear

And she ran to him

And she started to fly...

She had taken his hand...

"Come on, Mary;

Don't fear the Reaper!"

(The Blue Oyster Cult)

Duo

I swam to shore in a short period of time, then skidded across one of the sand bars to pop into the water there. It took about fourty five minutes to do the entire maneuver, but I managed to slip on to the Romefeller Base's island without much notice. I then stripped out of the wet suit to my black pants and priest's collar shirt. With the collar closed and my sleeves rolled down with my cap, I was dressed entirely in black and practically invisible in the night. I concealed the pistol with the silencer in my pants and slung the sub machine gun around my shoulder. With fresh clips and explosives at easy access in my duffel bag, I was ready.

Silently, I edged my way through the forest, keeping low and to the shadows when I could. The base was strangely silent, though in areas brightly lit. According to some of the transmissions I intercepted, they saved most of their maneuvers for daylight and were down staffed in the evenings because the war was over. It made my mission a lot easier. I'd have the info I wanted and Heero in no time.

When I came to the edge of the woods, I scaled a convenient tree and waited. A security guard usually made a pass by every fifteen minutes. This way, I could take him out, mug him for his uniform and enter the base with his clearances. Silently I waited, fingers tapping my sub machine gun.

Thou shall not kill gnawed at my conscience. I had already broken my vow of chastity with Hilde. A part of me knew Father Donaldson expected it. He also expected me to break other promises I made to the Church. But killing wasn't something I liked.

Or at least, I didn't want to like.

Heero was wrong about me. I wasn't a killer like him, not anymore. The Shinigami was dead.

I clenched my teeth, making out a man approaching my position. I planned on taking him out from the tree. I targeted him carefully, seeing his young face in my sights.

He was a year or two older than I was and his gaze with bright and inexperienced.

"A kid..." I thought to myself. "A kid who hasn't seen war, or killed before."

Sweat beaded my brow. My fingers trembled as they tightened about the trigger.

Thou shall not kill.

My vision bathed with red.

Shinigami clutched my heart gleefully.

"No, no, no..." Slowly I lowered the gun. I'd knock him out. I wasn't a killer.

Not like Heero.

He passed under a moment later. With out hesitation, I dropped down on top of his shoulders, gun butt smashing into his skull. Both of us tumbled to the ground. With a spasm of agony, I rolled away.

The wound flashed and throbbed, immobilizing me for a second or so; a second that almost cost me. To my surprise, the kid was on his feet before I was, and hauled me up by my hair like a doll. He was a little taller than I and a hell of a lot wider. Blood streamed from a wound on his forehead. With a swift jerk, he landed his fist into my gut.

Spots exploded with fiery agony. I gasped as the momentum of the punch tossed me back to the ground. Reflexively, I doubled over, black blotches threatening to steal away my consciousness. Wet sticky warmth dampened my shirt as blood seeped from my wound.

Out of the corner of my eye, the kid lifted his radio, and staggered himself.

I hurt too much to stand, and if he reported me, my mission was scrubbed.

Instinct took over.

I whipped the pistol from my hip and plugged him three times in the head.

Death's silence whispered in the breeze as the boy's body dropped like a stone. The uniform was untouched.

I was a killer once more.

"Eh, what's another Commandment?" I whispered, struggling to stand. With supreme effort, I staggered to my feet. "The Angel of death is back... Shinigami, my destiny."

I felt no guilt, just numbness.

I even enjoyed it some.

I shook the idea from my mind and dragged the poor bastard behind a few crates piled up near the fence.

I took off his clothes, and gave him his last rites. I wasn't worthy for such a ritual, but I was obligated. After praying and closing his lifeless eyes, I covered him with a blanket I kept stowed in my bag.

Shortly after, I was on my way in Sargent Davinson's clothes. In exchange, I left the submachine gun with him. God help me.

I was the reaper.

I managed to ignore the pain in my gut and walked stiffly. I hoped the make shift binding I made held the wound together. I still bled and knew it was only a matter of time before it went thought the cloth of my uniform. I had to work fast. With the uniform and with ID, I got onto the base with little effort. After that it was pure instinct. Heero's book contained many details and floor plans, so I had no problem finding the records lab. Nor did I have a problem mining the place as I went. Once in the records lab, I planned to download whatever information they had on Heero's location and the Numbers Project.

Numbers Project, I winced. It was hard to believe we were a part of a top secret project conceived by the Romefeller organization. The very organization we fought against in the great war. I ignored the idea for the time being and slipped into the lab. It was dark, but I located a computer and logged on with Davinson's codes. With the little I learned about hacking, and Heero's codes, I broke into the system and began to poke around.

The Numbers Project had three levels. One, the generation of biologically and cybernetically enhanced humans; two, the conditioning and training of these individuals; and three, the Zero-Preparation Process.

Zero? I pulled away from the emerald screen and looked over my shoulder. The hairs on the nape of my neck bristled, making me feel like I was being watched. The room was empty, save for several desks with computers and separations. I swallowed, wondering if Heero was close.

I nudged a disk into the drive and began to download.

Scrolling down, my memory recorded several faces: Treize, Lady Una, Dorothy, Zeches, Heero, Wufei, Trowa, Quatra, my own and several others I didn't recognize. Most of us were named after numbers, save for Dorothy who was obviously the Romefeller foundation's princess.

Apparently my mentor and his colleagues worked for Romefeller, but they stole the plans for the Gundams and a few of the experimental children.

I couldn't locate where Treize, Zeches, Lady Una and Dorothy fit in that picture, but I read pretty fast, so I could have easily skipped it.

A peek at the counter said the CD had five more minutes to down load. I wiped my mouth, trembling. The head of the Numbers Project, Alexie Courthers, planned to make use of us as Zero System weapons.

We were to be processed...and sent off to the highest bidder.

I shivered. Sweat dropped from my brow to the keyboard. My vision doubled.

I examined my wound and noticed how Davinson's uniform was now dripping blood. Worst of all, my body temperature was dropping. I felt cold and clammy. I was going into shock.

"Where's Heero..." I whispered weakly, leafing up to his file. According to the records, he was suffering from a side effect of the Zero-Process.

He was losing his mind.

In fact, all those exposed to the process would become mentally unstable if not treated.

"Ohhhhh Shitt..."

The light flicked on, blinding me.

Reflexively, I grabbed for my gun, leapt to my feet, and swiveled toward the door. A man dressed in a Romefeller uniform stood there. He was tall with dark hair and steely blue eyes. I recognized him as the man in my dream.

His head was in my sights. "Don't move, or I'll blow you away." In many ways, I thought I was lucky. I could use this guy as a hostage to get Heero and to escape. Hilde wouldn't expect it, but she didn't mind surprises.

"Duo." The man said coolly. Ignoring the gun he strolled into the room. "How rude of you."

"I mean it! Stop!" I cocked the hammer. "I'll kill you where you stand!"

He smiled thinly, making me shudder involuntarily. "I know you will. Poor Davinson. You killed him. But I'm not the sort to play around with the Angel of Death unless I know what I'm doing." His hand twitched and something in his palm extended into a pole. Energy flared a brilliant silver white at its tip forming a sickle blade.

Mesmerized, I stared at a silver beam scythe, very like the one my Gundam wielded.

I fired, but he skirted to the side, making me miss him entirely. He slashed the scythe down, then up. Its staff slammed into my hands knocking my gun across the floor. Something grabbed my hair and I found my self flung into a wall. Droplets of blood dribbled from my gut as I went, leaving a trail. I scrambled to my feet, but my legs refused to respond. Instead, I skidded back to the floor, weak and panting. The gun was about three feet away, and my only hope.

I went to move, but a hot blade touched my throat, burning me. I glanced up to make out the man's face as he calmly stared down at me. It was like he planned all of this. "Very bad, Duo. Haven't you learned anything? You've gotten very sloppy since you've retired. A big mistake."

I bit my lip, tasting salt. If I moved, that thing would cleave my head off. "Fuck off."

He shook his head sadly. "I guess I'll just have to give you a little more time. But first, I'm going to give you a little lesson in manners." The scythe arched up.

Taking the moment, I dove for the gun. I felt a hot flash of pain burn away at my shoulders, ripping through fabric and pulling at the back of my head. The sensations vanished with a definite touch of cold against my neck. The familiar weight and drag on my braid vanished as I grabbed the gun, aiming it at him.

He stood quietly, my hair at his feet, holding his weapon over his shoulder. The smile hadn't vanished. "I'm not impressed."

"You bastard!" I fired again, but to no avail. He dodged each bullet until my clip ran out. The pain by then was unbearable and my body was so weak, I could barely move.

Ironically, the man stood and watched me, like a vulture.

I had failed.

Blood pooled around me and the room grew colder. My braid was gone, the only thing I really had left of my childhood and Sister Helen.

Unable to hold myself up any more, I collapsed, dying again. All I could think of was poor Hilde waiting for me. I hope she listened and left.

This destiny business sucked. I passed out.

Heero

I entered the lab after a rigorous training bout with three other soldiers. Alexie had promised me, after the mission, I'd be able to leave and return home. He said, after the implant, I'd have no problems controlling the blood lust threatening my sanity.

The killing sprees and memory loss were due to a hormonal imbalance in the brain because of the Zero-System. Once treated, I'd have no problems. Half of me believed it. The other half was suspicious. Alexie openly lied about Duo. He led me to believe the boy was dead to keep me with him. Normally, I'd leave after that, but we made a deal. Alexie treated me for the insanity, so I had to come up with my end of the bargain. There was someone at an up coming peace conference he feared would kill Lady Darlian. I had to stop them.

And since I already swore to protect her, it was no sweat off my back.

I was on my way to my quarters when Alexie turned the corner. With a confident gait, he walked towards me, his face unreadable as always. As a professional, I knew Alexie was a very dangerous man. He was mysterious, highly trained in combat, politically minded and a schemer. He had his hand in many pots at the same time, and only half the pots knew he was there. Romefeller hired him to reconstruct their bases and assist in further scientific studies.

My instinct said a man like Alexie had a larger agenda. "Good morning, Heero." Alexie said, cheerfully.

I glanced at him through a tangle of shaggy bangs and nodded. I didn't feel like speaking very much this morning. I had a restless night and took it out in a vigorous work out. All I wanted now was a shower and some breakfast.

"Talkative, as always, I see." Alexie folded his arms, face calm and unaffected by my lack of enthusiasm. "I've been looking for you actually."

"Really?"

"It seems we have a problem." His voice hinted amusement, even though he covered most of his emotions with a serious business like manner. He waited for me to nod then continued. "Apparently, a friend of yours doesn't know how to leave things well enough alone."

"Duo?" The boy's name jumped to my lips before I realized it. It showed more emotion that I wanted to. I looked away, trying to appear uncaring for the rest of the news.

"Heero, I know you very well. You give a damn about that kid, so stop trying to fool me. It won't work."

"What's it to you? We worked together. He's a good kid. "

Alexie nodded. "But, he's also been processed. "

Processed, it was the dirty word of the day. I narrowed my brow, feeling a tad concerned about my friend. "Ok, what about Duo?" I asked coldly.

"He's here, down the hall and very annoyed he's locked up. I don't think he'll cooperate. Perhaps you can say something to him." Alexie smiled slyly. He was a spider setting a trap.

"What did he do? Break in?" I let myself smile. "Sooo, there goes the idea of this place being a secure facility... "

"He was trying to rescue you." Alexie informed. By the tone of his voice, he didn't appreciate my sense of humor. "It seems you made an impression on him."

"One about six inches deep." I replied flatly. I looked down the hall at the various doors. If Duo was here, he'd be very reasonable to me, or at least, as reasonable as he could be. We were like mixing oil and water. "Hmm, so which room?"

"5-C." Alexie gestured in the direction he came from. "Please explain to him the situation. I'm sure he'll understand."

"Yeah, right." I waved Alexie away, knowing Duo would expect a long evolved synopsis; a synopsis I didn't have the time to give.

I walked down the hall, a little annoyed. I wanted a shower and breakfast and didn't like the idea how it had to wait.

Even if I was a little relieved to see Duo.

The boy sat in bed, a long hospital gown covering his body. His head was bowed, hands touching the bible on his lap. I noticed his crucifix dangling from his neck, as it always did. His brow was troubled and his bright blue violet eyes were distant as if not seeing the tiny letters on the pages before him.

I shut the door loudly to get his attention. Duo's head snapped up, head of shoulder length hair bobbing into his eyes.

I frowned stunned. "So, when did you get the hair cut?"

He blinked, a broad smile forming on his face. A moment later, he forced it away and became deadly serious. "Alexie, your boss."

"Not my boss." I said sharply. "You were sloppy."

"I was looking for you." He snapped, struggling to swing his legs to the side of the bed. Painfully, he winced, hand grabbing his belly. "So what the hell happened to you?"

I shrugged wondering exactly what he knew. "I gutted you and ran. What do you expect?"

Duo began to chuckle. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Yeah, you sure did. So, are these the goons who messed with your brain?"

"No." I crossed the room to his side, wondering just how I planned to explain what happened. It was close to impossible to find the words. I decided to use the direct honest approach. If I was right, Duo did some poking himself and knew enough to understand what I was about to say. Besides, he was a tough kid and would bounce back readily after the initial shock of my story. "The Zero System messed with my brain." I said roughly.

He nodded, but didn't meet my gaze. He half believed it. How could I blame him. He was exposed to the Zero System too. It was easier to believe your friend was brainwashed then the possibility of you yourself going insane. "Did Alexie tell you to tell me that?"

"It's true. I gutted you. Remember?" I placed a finger to his belly and motioned up over the fabric of his gown.

He squirmed, tanned legs shifting painfully with the touch. "How can I forget."

I sighed, meeting his gaze. There was something missing from it. Puzzled, I examined him. His eyes were definitely lifeless and blank, like he had lost all desire to live. The old cheerful Duo Maxwell seemed to be gone. "You ok?"

"Bad dreams, that's all." He said softly.

I brushed the hair from my face and looked to a wall. "That's how it starts Duo. You saw the files."

He shook his head, a hand grasping the bible on his lap. "They could have been planted. I think they messed with you, Heero." He swallowed and scratched his cheek.

"No. You don't want to admit it because you know you're losing your mind too. Face it Duo. Everyone exposed to the Zero System went insane, just at different rates. Dorothy, Treize, Zeches, me... "

"NO!" Duo screamed, fist slamming on the bible before him. "I'm not losing my mind! No way! The dreams, all of that, they're normal! Everyone has them after a war!" Frantic, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "I am not losing my mind! I wasn't exposed to the Zero System for very long! Just a few minutes..."

Unsympathetically, I removed his digging fingers and slipped off the bed. "You were processed, Duo. We all were. Doctor J and his little mad buddies turned us all into super combat ready soldiers by messing with our brains."

"You're cracked." Duo's voice trembled. "I don't remember any of this happening. I'd remember if that bastard did anything to me."

I gritted my teeth together, annoyed by his stubbornness. "Would you? They're altering your brain wave patterns Duo. Remember the bio feed back?"

The anger and fear showed vibrantly across his young face. Duo hunched his shoulders and bunched his fists. "Yeah..."

"Bingo." I snapped my fingers, seeing his watery eyes dart away from me. "Didn't I tell you we were alike."

Silence. Helpless, Duo stared at his fists. He swallowed a whimper and tears filled his eyes. "It's damned unfair."

"War isn't." I replied. "But Alexie can fix it. You just have to cooperate."

Unconvinced, Duo pulled at his hair. "What? Tthe arrogant dick who gave me the shave?"

I smiled. A little of his old spirit sparked some. It made me feel a little better. I preferred Duo that way. "Yeah. Trust me. We've worked with arrogant dicks before. What's the difference?"

A bright furious gaze grabbed mine. Duo sneered. "This one cut my hair."

Duo

Heero left me to myself. I sat quietly, trying not to think of losing my mind. I collapsed to my bed, hugging myself and feeling very insecure.

Alexie did a job on Heero, if he indeed brainwashed him. Part of me now wasn't sure. Heero seemed clearer since I last saw him. Before, he was lost and frightened and very unlike himself. As of now, he appeared entirely himself.

"What have they done to you?" I asked aloud. A man like Alexie, the leader of the Numbers Project, wouldn't help Heero unless he had some sort of control over him.

Moreover, he'd never rest until I too was his puppet.

Exhaustion weighted my limbs. My body ached still and I was very weak. I hadn't recovered from my ordeal and suspected by the way I was pissing up a storm, I underwent surgery. Surgery I didn't condone.

I'd ask Heero about it later. With a shiver, my eyes closed to blackness.

I stumbled along the rubble, parts of bodies scattered across the broken street.

Weak, I looked up, the Federation soldiers were gone. The battle was over. Clumsily, I tried to roll up my sleeves, thinking about Father and Sister Helen. They were in the church at the time when the Federation bombed the slums to put down the rebellion. Clumsily, I clutched my shattered arm to myself and walked slowly past the dead. With a grim heart, I beared witness to children's broken bodies buried under debris and women and men torn from limb to limb. The Grim Reaper had been through.

Glassy eyed, I felt my tears burn. What used to be the back ally to Maxwell's church was a pile of cement and steel. I recalled many times walking home from school this way and meeting Sister Helen at the end.

But Sister Helen was dead.

I remembered her reaching up to me, touching my face with her battered fingers. "May God bless you and keep you..." Death took her from me then. She died for peace.

A part of me was convinced, her and Father Maxwell died foolishly. But then again, I was the one who stole the mobile suit from the Feddies. I was the one who led the war to the church.

I clutched her rosary, the fine glass beads slippery in my blood covered hands. As far as I could see, I was the only one alive.

Everything I touched died.

I killed them with my fear and compulsiveness. If I had believed in Father and looked for peace, perhaps this would never have happened.

I came out of the alley, eyeing the building foundations I as I stepped out into the main street. Not one building stood. Fire swept out all the homes, leaving nothing but burning husks kindling in the night. A cry worked its way to my throat. I peeped, and dropped to my knees.

Slender half skeletal forms swept the streets, tossing body parts into wheel barrows, their cloaks fluttering in the night air.

Death...

Shinigami.

Hollow, I stared at the church I had once known and loved so. Nothing remained saved for a blackened corpse and a melted, steel cross.

"God is dead." I thought weakly. Long tangled hair slipped into my face, blinding me. "Father said God loved the poor."

I shook, grief grappling my heart. "God loves the Federation. No...Not Sister Helen's god, not Father's. This is no god."

I looked around the vacant streets, the stench of burning flesh and rotting corpses assailed my senses. There was only death.

I survived again, when I shouldn't have. I hugged myself, feeling the soft fabric of my oversized priest's shirt.

It had to be me killing them all. I was a jinx.

A single form stood in the distance. It was dressed in robes and held a massive scythe.

"Shinigami..." I closed my eyes. "I'm Shinigami."

The image shifted.

I stood in the shower, braid in one hand, a bar of soap in the other. I was taking a long shower after waking up with Hilde this morning. We were in the hotel still, and it was an hour before sunset. My mood was sooo good I was flying. Not even the nightmare got to me this morning.

Cheerful, I lifted the braid to my mouth and continued to sing along with my radio. I nearly drowned out the Beatles's Maxwell's Silver Hammer with my own versions and wondered if I should ever attempt it next time Hilde and I did Kareoke.

When I was done, I turned off the shower and dressed.

The window at the end of the room was open, and Hilde was no where to be seen.

Instead, a dark figure in a black cloak loomed on the patio. I blinked at it, curious. "Geee, I didn't think I ordered room service."

It turned to me, faceless cowl staring with burning blue eyes. Startled, I stepped back, hand groping the bedstand for my pistol.

Death black wings lifted from its back, shedding pale shadowy feathers. In its dark hand it lifted a scythe from its robes.

Just then Hilde entered from behind as if she didn't see it. "You should see the sunset, Duo..."

I screamed, but no words were able to describe my horror. The was the only thing I had to live for... "HILDE!"

It swung at her, lobbing her head right off in a spray of blood.

I lunged across the room, dodging its blow and seizing the scythe with my own hands. With all my strength, I wrenched it free. The hilt pulsed as if alive, and I palmed it as I arched it around at the robed demon.

It tried to escape by twisting away.

But I dispatched its head as cleanly at it did Hilde's.

Time froze as I watched the cowled face bounce and roll to the floor. My heart pounded...

The lifeless eyes staring glassily back at me were my own.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I thrashed, body straining against unseen hands. Helpless, I tried to forced my way awake. My brain swam its way up though consciousness, vainly. My eyes were helplessly sealed and my body too sluggish to respond. I felt myself sliding back into the void.

The Angel stood on a church hill, a cross and halo hovering over its head. Six blackened wings lifted from its back, towering over me. Its robes rustled with no breeze save for the power of the dark energy crackling about its form. Its delicate hands held an ornate scythe. "Duo..."

I sat on my knees, a child, with my priest's shirt draping my bare legs, and Sister Helen's rosary clutched in my dirty little hands. Tomb stones represented scattered plots. Each one was old and moss covered. Some crumpled to sand before my very eyes.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... We are all dust, Duo." It said darkly. Glowing silver eyes shifted down to me. A face I couldn't define formed a tender smile. "Everything dies, Duo."

Frightened, I looked away. "Father... Sister Helen..."

The death cold voice spoke again, mesmerizing me. "Look at me child. You have a destiny."

Unable to resist, I peered up. The crucifix hung before me, Christ's mangled anguished face stared out with dead eyes. "All die Duo."

The form shifted. Christ became Sister Helen and the Priest, then Solo. I swallowed, watching all those I had seen die in my past appear. "Noooo."

"You are my herald, my son." The Angel said, icy breath breathing down on me. "That is why you still live."

I tried to stand, but my little legs wobbled so and my arm ached. Reapers surrounded me, all pushing barrows collecting the bodies in the city.

"No..." Tears spilled down my face and I shook my head.

Davinson's face hung on the cross.

Not for the last time, I cried out, clutching my head as pain plagued my mind. "No, no, no,no..."

I sat in the Death Scythe, sweaty palms clutching the controls as I targeted an enemy. Carefully, I pressed the peddles and guided the mobile suit's arm up. The beam scythe flicked at the corner of my eye. I brought it down...

My child self sat in the rubble before the church's skeleton. Weakly I stumbled to the single figure standing before the crumpled bell tower. Bodies were piled up around him like heaped garbage.

The Angel looked down, and took me into his cloak. The Bible and rosary in my hands tumbled to the ground. I didn't fear the Reaper anymore. I took the Scythe from him.

It was cold.

"How is he?"

Voices spoke in the blackness. I tried to move but my arms were like lead. Something was happening to me. The dream kept rolling into my thoughts, over and over and I was impotent to stop it.

Again, I tried to lift my body. I realized I lay on my back, legs strapped to cold metal and arms bound above my head. The sterile alcohol smell reeked of lab or hospital. A faint tingling burned my forehead and limbs, like something foreign was alive inside of me.

"He's doing as well as expected." Alexie's voice captured my attention.

I ceased my struggles and listened, hoping I'd get some sort of clue to what was happening to me.

"One of the techs said he was fighting it." I recognized Heero's voice almost immediately. He sounded worried.

"Yes he is, but you resisted the treatment too. It will take time." Alexie responded patronizing. "You shouldn't be worrying about this. You have work to do, Heero."

A long silence. I heard Heero's feet shuffling across the floor. A warm hand touched my shoulder and squeezed it. "It's OK, Duo. This is going to help you. It will stop the madness. I know it hurts, but when it's over, you'll understand."

Yeah right, I'd understand the same way he did. I'd be Alexie's lap dog. No way! I tried to open my eyes. I had to speak with him, even if it were just for a moment. He had to know what images Alexie was using against me.

Alexie was trying to break me, not help me.

"You have to get ready. Ms. Darlian is waiting for you." Alexie said almost gently. "The ESUN will be meeting soon to discuss negotiations with the Outer Colonies. "

Outer Colonies? I seemed to recall hearing something about it. Two months ago, we were contacted by colonies outside of Earth space. It was a big surprise, because we never fathomed those who left Earth's space survived. Now, new negotiations were being made for trade and such. I tried to think of why Alexie wanted Heero involved in the negotiations.

"Are you sure their ambassador plans on killing Relena?" Heero asked, his voice unsure.

"It's been confirmed." Alexie said. "My clients want you to take him out before he takes out Ms. Darlian."

What a lame story. I involuntarily winced wondering if Heero was that gullible. After all, why would the Outer Colonies want their only possible ally dead? It didn't make sense. No wait. The wheels in my brain spun. I was a terrorist. Alexie wasn't trying to set Heero up to kill Ambassador (the name reminded me of a weapon...ahhhh, bingo) Gunn. When I first encountered Heero, before he stabbed me, he spoke about killing women. It wasn't Gunn Alexie wanted Heero to take out. It was Ms. Darlian!

I wanted to move. I wanted to open my eyes. I wanted to speak, but it was like swimming up with no oxygen in my lungs. Helpless, all I could do was lay and listen to my friend being set up.

Bastard!

"Make sure Duo recovers." Heero warned. "I'll do this one favor for you, but if he dies, it will be the last."

Thanks a lot. Stupid bastard, he was just as noble as I was. Sort of made me feel warm and fuzzy all over.

Who was like who? Heero's hand vanished.

I heard more movement and the door hissed open. I gathered Heero left because Alexie's voice became harsher. "Take him up to level three. I want him compliant by the time Heero returns."

Just as I expected. Alexie didn't like me very much. Something buzzed and caused my head to ache. With one more tremendous effort, I forced my eyes open. At first all I saw was blinding light. After a moment, a room filled with cabinets and computers appeared. I lay on a table, wires attached to my limbs and head. A clear IV tube ran from my wrist to a bag suspended over my table.

Not far away, technicians prepared or monitored various machines. The only two I recognized were an EKG and an encephalograph.

Alexie stared down at me. He obscured some, then cleared after a moment of blinking. "Bas...tard." I whispered breathlessly. "You're...setting...him up."

Come on Heero, come back in and see his true colors, my brain screamed. Forget something and come back. I'm conscious.

Alexie nodded. "Yes. I'm afraid you're right."

I tried to spit at him but my mouth was too dry. I cursed to myself and closed my eyes. "What are you doing to me?"

"We're going to process you again, my young friend." Affectionately, he stroked my hair and cheek. "It seems Heero is unfortunately fond of you. I did plan on killing the other four, but he may not cooperate."

"Yeah, right, and I'm gonna be your puppy like he is." I murmured sarcastically. My heart thudded against my chest. I was processed once before by Professor G, or so Heero claimed, and I had no intention on being processed again. I mustered my strength and looked him in the eye. "Go to hell."

The hand in my hair grabbed a fist full of strands and tightened until it hurt. "You don't have much of a choice my friend. It's already begun." The man's eyes pierced mine like two points of ice. "You don't understand, do you?" Amusement made him grin.

I licked my lips. "What I understand is, I'm not going to let you mess with his brain."

"No, no, young Duo." He scolded me with one finger waving in front of my face. "You see, the last time you were processed, you lost seven years of your life. It's an unfortunate side effect, but we can work with it. We'll just recreate your personality to one that suits us."

The slime. I shivered. There was no way he'd erase me. I clenched my teeth and sneered at him. "You scum sucking cunt face dick ass..."

"Very colorful" Alexie said. He reached over my head and lifted a syringe from a nearby tray. Swiftly he prepped it, then looked over to the techs mulling about the electronic equipment in the room. "Let's get started. We don't have much time." Then to me, he leaned over and injected the IV.

I instantly felt light headed and dropped my eyes closed. In the distance, his voice lingered over the darkness. "Sleep well, Duo... my little death angel..."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Rescue

"In the name of the Father and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I baptize you."

I stood silently in a pool of blood, my tiny naked form cold and lost in the vastness of night. The Reaper leaned over me. In his hand he held a chalice dripping the blood of my victims. Lovingly, he poured it over my head, washing away my sins, seducing me in the rapture of his essence.

With a moan, I dropped my head back, tongue lapping up the precious liquid. The Scythe in my hand lengthened and I felt my body grow.

"My herald, my child, you will do my bidding."

Lost, I stared at him. Everything died on me. I had nothing to love but him. "Father, forgive me...I have sinned...I didn't believe in you anymore." I pleaded, a naughty boy who deserved to be punished.

He smiled down on me and kissed my lips. "You believed. You just did not understand. Child, take your place as my own. It is your destiny."

Destiny...

A thundering shook the room. Slowly the image broke up. I was no longer a child. Instead, I was tied down in the lab once more, listening to the shouts and cries of the techs.

A siren wailed, piercing my ears as booms rumbled continuously in the distance. Little by little they came closer, giving my mind something to grapple with. With an effort, my eyes opened. A man screeched in the corner as a cabinet collapsed onto the floor before him, scattering vials and boxes.

I forced a smile, recalling I had an extreme hatred for anyone in the room. Two other people ran out, terror vivid on their features. "Mobile suits..." Someone said. "Gundam!"

Gundam... I struggled with the word for a little bit, wondering exactly why it sounded very familiar.

The remaining tech ran to my side, fumbling a long pointed syringe. "Alexie ordered your death if something happened. I can't abandon my post unless my work's carried out." He told me, noticing I was conscious. "Sorry kid."

Not as sorry as I'll be, I thought. "Thanks."

Alexie...

The name brought anger. Unable to move, I helplessly watched him lift the IV bag and injected the serum into it. Poison. It'd take a moment to reach me, but I was as good as a dead man. I swallowed. It was a good life, I suppose...

Overhead, the ceiling suddenly cracked open, raining down debris and plaster. My captor stumbled away only to be crushed by a girder. Fascinated, I stared at his pulped form as blood pooled on the floor. It was very red.

I was alone with a poisoned IV bag. Funny though, I wasn't afraid. I just closed my eyes and waited to drift away or be crushed.

A crunch followed by a twinge of pain trickled over my arm. I turned my attention back to the bag. It was buried under a collapsing ceiling.

Overhead, I saw sunlight and a massive mobile suit hand prying away the building around me. Strangely, I thought about being a sardine being pried out of a large can. I grinned in spite of myself. I was a lucky son of a bitch.

The form pulled away, but gave me a second to study it. A Gundam, and it was familiar. White mechanical face, glowing eyes, blue and golden coloration with two huge scimitars...

"I destroyed them." I thought, having a flicker of recollection.

The chest opened up and a blond haired boy, dressed in a very neat button up shirt and vest, clambered out. "Duo!" He cried. "I'll get you out of there in a second!"

Who was he?

Quatra...It all rushed back in a wave. I fought in a war with him and four other pilots, but the war was over...

"Oh God, what the hell happened to me?"

The suit lowered the boy down. In the backdrop, I saw an explosion bellowing behind him. The others were there too.

"Nice work, kid." I said as he leapt down at my side. "I especially like how you dropped the ceiling on the IV. Very impressive display of coordination."

He leaned over me, and swiftly unlocked the bonds about my arms and legs, then together we removed the wires. "Are you all right?" He asked, concern on his face. He helped me to stand. The motion made my head spin.

"Oh? Me? I feel fine now. Just fine, just woozy."

He smirked. "Where's Heero?"

I shook my head, confused as all hell. "Heero?" A face came with the name but it took a bit to boot up. Heero was why I was there. "I...don't know." In the corner of my eye, I spied a bag I recognized. Despite Quatra's objections, I stumbled over to it and grabbed it from the demolished counter. Quickly, I rummaged through it. In it was my Bible, Sister Helen's rosary, my clothes, my long braid and my crucifix. My memory started to flicker back. I traced Heero here and got kidnapped myself. I felt a little better now. "Let me get dressed."

"We have no time. Besides, I've seen naked men before." Quatra said. He would. I eyed him a moment (I often wondered about Quatra and Trowa but I never let my mind go any further with it). He grabbed my arm once again and led me towards the suit.

It was warm out, so I wasn't very cold, even though I was in the buff. It was just the embarrassment. I clutched my bag tactfully over my waist as we stepped onto the mobile suit's outstretched hand. It lifted us to its chest unit, where Quatra took his place at the controls and I quickly donned on my priest's collar shirt and black pants. I added the crucifix out of habit.

Something prevented me from touching my Bible and Rosary. My eyes moistened with tears. My soul, my spirit, didn't feel right. Shaking my head, I sank down to the floor. Why did I feel so contaminated?

My hand hovered over the items as if they would burn it, then I closed my bag. "What took you guys so long?"

"We wanted to hit the right facility." Quatra said, guiding the suit to a stand. "What happened to your hair?"

I shrugged. "A new look I guess." I ran my hand about the shoulder length locks and wondered exactly how I lost it. Oh yes. The images materialized in my mind. The man named Alexie cut it. "I lost it in a fight."

"I'm sorry." Sympathy reflected in his huge watery eyes. "But it does look very nice."

"I know, I know, or will if I do something about it." Quatra was a kind-hearted soul. I liked him a great deal. "Right now, I don't want to think of the hair." It was an open wound still.

"Understandable." He replied. "Let's get you home."

Home, it sounded good. There I could collect my thoughts. I hugged my knees. A moment later, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

And for the first time in a long time, I did not dream.

I wasn't sure when we arrived at Quatra's base of operations, but I was still in no shape to speak with anyone. It was effort enough to walk unaided. Without argument, I let Quatra take me to a guestroom, undress me and tuck me into bed. There I slept for

some time, grateful for the blackness and comfort of soft pillows and warm blankets.

The sun woke me as it crept across the bedclothes and into my eyes. Wearily, I squinted, taking stock of a small but elegant room with a large window overlooking a massive desert oasis and all the other comforts of home.

Hilde sat on a chair beside me. "Hi'ya."

"Hey, girl, you okay?" I asked weakly. My mouth was dry. I licked my lips and yawned. Yesterday, I had forgotten she was there. My memory cleared some with sleep. "Did you have any problems getting out of there?"

She shook her head. "I was very worried, Duo, but I got away like you asked. They did send a Cancer after me, but Wufei dispatched it very promptly."

Good old Wufei was always ready to save a helpless damsel in distress. I sat with some effort, though no pain, and struggled to lift the pitcher at the side of my bed. Hilde's fingers closed about mine and together we poured me a glass of water. "I got it." I told her.

"You need to rest more. Let me take care of you." She said warmly.

I winked at her, liking the notion of having a lady like her tend to my every need. "As long as I can return the favor." I said. "You know, be your slave for the day."

"It's a deal." She brushed her hand though my hair and tickled my ear. "It's not bad looking Duo. I like your hair like this."

Ouch. I sighed and looked to the window. I was getting used to the lack of weight pulling at my head. "I don't know if I like it." I said softly. "Sister Helen fought so hard for me to keep it."

"Sister Helen is dead, Duo. It's time for you to let go of the past." Hilde always knew how to drop the bombs.

Irritated by her bluntness, I met her gaze. Tears stung my eyes. I clumsily rubbed them. For years, I believed I let go of my past. Yet, perhaps she was right. I clung to Father and Sister, convincing myself I was a good Catholic when I was really a hardened atheist.

I was frightened without their God.

I clutched the sheets and heaved in a sob. "No Hilde. Maybe it was like that in the beginning, but not now."

My near death experience changed everything. I did believe in Christ. I did believe Sister Helen and Father were in a place better than this one. In many ways, I felt their presence strong with me, but I missed them miserably and didn't know how to express my love for them. I leaned into Hilde, crying some.

Her warm arms held me close and she rocked my form like a caring mother would her favorite child. "It's OK, Duo. It's over with now. You'll be fine. I'll take good care of you."

"You'll just die." I said coldly. "Everyone dies... Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Everything I love and touch turns to dust. I'm the Angel of Death..."

She slapped me.

Some of the deep depression assailing me was replaced by shock. "Hilde?"

"Stop that nonsense, Duo! You're so goddamned obsessed with death. Let it go. I don't plan to die on you. Haven't you ever thought, with your lifestyle, it will be the other way around?" Her own tears trickled off her cheeks. "I mourn you every time you take off on some half assed mission with that psycho friend of yours."

Shamefully, I clutched the blankets about my waist. Boy, did I feel immature. "Death is my life, Hilde." I said quietly. "I can't let it go."

"You haven't tried." She replied firmly.

She was right. I never did really try. I was so used to things dying on me and killing, I forgot how to live. Even when I became a priest, I hadn't let it go. I was just running from it without facing it and dealing with it. "Why is it you drop these things on me when I'm in the middle of a mission?"

"I'm your girlfriend. It's my job to fill you with anxiety." She smirked. "Duo, I love you more than life. Let's go back to L2 as soon as you're well enough and get married."

"This isn't over." I said to her honestly. I tensed for an explosion, but got none. Her face pouted and she looked down. "Hey, I do want to go, Hilde, but I have to finish here. The people who did this to me are still out there."

"You'll never change." She said coolly.

"No, not when it comes to that." I kissed her.

Helplessly, she fell into it, whatever misgivings we had were forgotten. I slipped off her blouse and tenderly kissed her chest. To my surprise Hilde nudged me away and began to kiss my chest.

Then she stopped. "Duo." She said, voice just above a whisper. "It's gone. Your wound, it's healed."

"What?" I just assumed it stopped aching when I escaped the lab, then forgot about it entirely when I woke up to see Hilde. Stupidly, I blinked down at my chest and abdomen. Only a faint pink scar remained across my belly. "How?"

They didn't have me long enough to heal the wound. In fact, it should have been worse. Confused as all hell, I stumbled out of bed and grabbed my clothes. Whatever the process was, it must have sped up my metabolism. I looked in a mirror noticing how my hair was just past my shoulders rather than just above them. "Oh shit... What did they do to me?"

Hilde rubbed her arms, worried. "I don't know. If they're alive, we should make Doctor G look at you."

"Yeah, if you can find him or any of his mad hatter buddies." I grumbled. I had my doubts Doctor G and his colleagues were alive, but it was easy to let Hilde hope. "Well, might as well get some rest, honey, while I break the news to the others."

Hilde leaned back, head touching the pillow gracefully. She smiled, reminding me how sexy she was and how very little she had on. "You may be Frankenstein, but you're my Frankenstein, Duo."

I growled my best Boris Karloff imitation, then forced myself to fight my savage raging seventeen-year-old hormones in order to get out the door.

"Feeling any better?" Trowa asked as I entered the living room of Quatra's condo.

"Considerably." I replied. "But that's the problem."

I came down the stairs freshly showered and dressed in a loose T-shirt and shorts. My energy had returned and I was very hungry. Hilde stayed up the night at my side and I was grateful she slept now. I didn't want her to worry anyway and it was time to debrief the others.

The entire team was there, glued to the TV set as the screen flashed images of a smoking Romefeller installation. Trowa, held up a nearby wall, studying the screen, while Quatra sat at a little table by the window with tea and fruit on his breakfast plate. I smirked, and shuffled across to the couch and plopped myself beside Wufei. The Chinese boy glanced at me as if studying me, then returned his gaze to the TV.

I waved back at him smugly. "What's this? No culture. It's Saturday morning. I'd at least expect to see the Loony Toons on."

"You would." He said rather flatly. "Did you find Heero?"

He was right to the point, as always. "Yeah, I did." I replied. I tapped my head. "I'm not clear on the details." I sighed and stretched my legs out. "But give me a little time."

In general, the place was impressive with elegant Victorian furniture and heavy velvet curtains. The best part was the television. It covered a wall and all I could think of was watching a few old movies and lots of Bugs Bunny on it. Then again, I was seventeen going on seven when it came to entertainment.

I reached over to the coffee table in front of me and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on top of it. Boy I was starved. "You got the package and everything?"

Trowa nodded. "Very detailed. I'm a little disturbed by the information."

"Humpf." Wufei grunted. "Nice to think we've been lab rats all of our lives."

Quatra shook his head sadly. He stood up and held his violin under his chin, poised to play. "I suppose it doesn't matter. We're people now."

The sweet melodies of classic violin sang accompanying the TV. Quatra was troubled, I thought. He often used music as a release. I crunched my apple.

"Sure, but to some people out there, we're a run away experiment." I devoured the apple quickly and tossed the core into a wastepaper basket across the room. It rimmed the edge, then tumbled in. "Ten points!" I announced, with my fingers raised in a victory sign. I ate three more immediately after.

"You're so bad." Quatra scolded affectionately. "And a pig too."

I shrugged. "Someone has to be. Mr. Psycho isn't here. Besides, I'm a growing boy." Then I lifted my shirt and showed my belly. "By the way, I took a bad hit from Heero. See that nice little pink line? It nearly killed me almost three weeks ago. I tore it back open four days ago. Funny how the little boo boo is all better, isn't it."

Wufei folded his arms and closed his eyes. He leaned into the couch cushions. "So it seems our enemy has turned you into a superman, eh?"

I shrugged and pulled down my shirt. "Don't know, but they did have me in their lab, and they did reprocess me, whatever that means."

"They were attempting genetic mutation activation, I think." Trowa replied.

"English please?" I said. Still hungry as a bear, I looked about the room, snagged a servant and asked for two steaks and a very large order of fries.

Patiently, Trowa waited until I was finished, then continued. "I did a little poking after I got Heero's journal. Apparently, not only were they stimulating your brain, they were also trying to chemically manipulate your DNA."

"Ok, they doped me up alot and gave me a mind woogie, but I still don't get it." I scratched my head, cursing myself for not studying the files more when I had the chance.

"Are they trying induce genome evolution?" Wufei sat up startled and wide eyed. "Impossible."

"Makes sense." I shrugged.

"The problem is, we're failed experiments." Trowa continued. "Yes, our senses are heightened, and we're faster than normal, but we're still basically human."

"But they wanted us as bio-weapons." I said. "I remember reading something about the highest bidder."

"Enlightened beings on a leash would kill if designed to do so." Trowa said darkly. "And I think that's what they did to Heero."

I nodded. "I know that's what they did to Heero." I leaned on the end table, chin in my palms. For a long time, I just watched the TV screen. Two reporters sat behind their desks, yakking wordlessly. Quatra must have turned down the sound. Behind them was a building and several figures. The words ESUN Conference and Outer Colonies flashed on the screen. Something familiar gnawed at my unevolved brain. "Hey, aren't you going to that, Quatra?"

The little blond at the end of the room shook his head. "No. I blew them off to rescue a friend." He looked at his watch. "Don't have much time to get there now anyway. Besides, I want to avoid the questions about the new Gundams."

I inhaled and buried my face in my palms. I rubbed my eyes and blinked up at the TV. "Oh yeah...the Gundams. Why did you rebuild them anyhow? It wasn't to save my sorry little ass."

Quatra abandoned his violin and joined Wufei and I at the couch. He sat on the arm. "No. I had them started when the Outer Colonies ambassador arrived some time ago. I had a feeling we might need them."

"Hmmm, a connection?" Wufei asked, interested in our conversation. "Duo, you know something. Out with it."

A very faint image of blackness and voices haunted me. I closed my eyes, trying to hear them. A pressure headache throbbed above my brow and I rubbed my head. "Ummm..." There were two voices, one was Heero's and the other was... A flash of anguish clutched my brain, making me screech out. Numb and aching, I made my eyes open and directed my attention on the three faces staring vexed before me. "Oh, Christ help me..." I dropped my head into my hands and pulled at my hair. "If it didn't hurt so, I could think..."

"Duo?" Quatra's features appeared in front of mine. His gentle hands touched my arms. "Concentrate on me."

I tried to stare deep into his blue eyes, but my vision blurred more and my strength was waning. The pain continued to expand like an atom bomb blast. I slumped forward and shook my head. "Trying, but I feel like it's gonna kill me."

Trowa's hands roughly lifted my face to his. "Duo, clear your mind. Forget about the questions, just blank your thoughts. Now."

His calm controlled voice sounded very hypnotic. Unable to fight it, I relaxed. I tried to blank my mind by closing my eyes again and riding the pain. I let it overtake my thoughts, then used it as a white noise to a background of nothingness. Slowly it ebbed away until nothing but a trickle remained.

"Duo?" Wufei spoke. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I think so." I waved to him, exhausted. "I guess they did do the whammy on my brain."

"I've seen it once before." Trowa shook his head miserably. "It's called an Azerial block."

"Azerial? Isn't that the Angel of death?" I asked curious. It would be ironic.

Trowa nodded. "Yes. It's designed to kill whomever it's used on if they threaten to break their conditioning."

Exasperated, I punched the couch. "Swell, just swell." God was avenging me for attacking those poor flamingos. I shook my head, devastated. What use would I be brainwashed. "I think I'm cursed."

"Not cursed. You just did something very st..."

"I know, I know, I know, I was a stupid bull headed ass. Don't rub it in. I smell the manure already." I cut Wufei off, frustrated.

Relena's face appeared on the screen, smiling and chatting to a reporter.

Everything crystallized. Watery eyed, I stared at her, unable to speak. I swallowed. Heero was going to kill Relena.

How could I word myself without dying. Fancy Death trying to avoid himself... I bit my lip. "Relena." I began. The pain started to grow. I shuddered and rubbed my brow. "Relena reminds me of the Road Runner..."

"What?" Quatra blinked stunned.

Trowa cocked his head, puzzled and Wufei stared like I was utterly cracked.

"Yeah..." I smirked. "Imagine her and Heero in a Road Runner cartoon, except Heero is Wil'E Coyote." I hoped to God they'd understand. It was the best I could do in my condition. My head buzzed and pulsed because of it.

"You're insane," Wufei said impatiently. "You sound like one of my Zen Masters."

"Tao of Bugs Bunny." I said without hesitation. "Maybe all Zen masters have an Azerial block."

Trowa lifted a brow and nodded. "Perhaps they did." He stood up, and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Well then my friends, we're off to ESUN's conference hall. We have to stop a friend from dropping an anvil on the lady he loves."

It didn't take us long to ready ourselves and leave Quatra's base in the three finished mobile suits. We were armed and ready, but my thoughts drifted away from battle. Hilde insisted on coming. So instead of meditating and preparing myself for fighting Heero, I sat worrying about her, sure the side of me who was the Angel of death would destroy her like everyone else in my life.

Deep in anguished thought, I fell asleep.

Again, I didn't dream, but I was too wiped to worry about it.

A second splitting headache woke me from a sound sleep. It was different than the last. Rather than feeling like I had a bomb expanding in my skull, this one felt like a loud noise in my head. It buzzed and thumped, blinding my vision. With the pain came images and feelings of Heero being nearby. I thought I saw him with Relena. She kissed him and he looked off balanced by it.

"I'm here to protect you." I was seeing through his eyes and soul. It was no longer cold to her, but there was still something very wrong.

"I'm glad. I love you..."

He said nothing.

I opened my eyes, groaning and complaining. "He's in my head..." I grabbed my bag and fumbled with a bottle of pills in the front pocket. After the last episode, Quatra insisted on me taking them along. I downed five Ibuprofin and settled back into my huddle. I rubbed my temples.

"You don't sound too well." Quatra said from the controls. "You alright?" OK?"

"Peachy." I responded. "I feel like a lab rat."

"You were, silly." He smiled back fondly. "You look very pale."

"I feel it." I pressed the back of my head into the wall and tried to clear my mind. "Quatra, sometimes I feel like he's in my head."

"Heero?" Quatra asked. "I know what you mean. I felt that way with him once. He was first hooked up to the Zero System and I was fighting him. Most of the time though, I think I can sense or feel Trowa, though he doesn't know it. We can discuss it later though."

"Yeah." I licked my lips and let myself relax. The Zero System had many side effects, but none of them lasted when we abandoned it. The pain hadn't eased, but I had to rest. I didn't like what was happening to me, nor did I understand it.

I was processed a second time. I had to discover what it meant. Trowa would have to show me what he discovered on it.

Processed. Heero called it the dirty word of the week.

"Damn, Heero, I'm confused." I shivered and let myself drift off again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Ashes to Ashes

By the time the pain eased up, we had arrived. In no time, the group of us were pushing through the crowds in an attempt to reach the embassy.

"Coming through, coming through!" I shouted on the top of my lungs. "We have a very important delegate trying to reach the embassy!" I waved and pointed to Quatra as Wufei bullied his way through people and cleared the path as we walked. A moment later, Trowa leaped over the crowd control barriers and spoke to the security guards. Without objection, they let us by and even sent an escort to the ESUN headquarters.

Despite the danger, we knew Relena would never stop the negotiations. They'd just beef up security and look for Heero. Lady Ann and the Preventer's were heading the search. But he was good, and I knew no ordinary guards would find him.

We sprinted past the main doors, Trowa and Wufei tied in the lead. Quatra and I dragged behind with Hilde in tow. The hall was huge, the ceiling domed with golden plates and paintings of angels and clouds overhead. Red velvet curtains trimmed the columned halls and large woven tapestries hung impressively on the walls. I had to slow down, just to admire the vastness of the hall. You could fit a mobile suit in the foyer, and boy it was jammed. Delegates and their assistants milled about, conversing with each other before the great meeting. There must have been close to two hundred souls in the room, many representing different nations in space as well as Earth. I craned my neck and noticed an extremely tall and wide individual carrying a water glass.

Ambassador Gunn.

I smirked amused, they actually managed to settle a heavy gravity world. Boy, were they built like tanks. I'd hate to grapple with a guy like that.

"Quatra! You go into the meeting hall. Hilde, stay here and make sure Duo doesn't go into the conference room!" Trowa shouted. He bounded past the conference hall doors and up a set of stairs. Wufei followed taking a second parallel stairwell.

Quatra forced Hilde and I to a grinding halt. "What the hell are you talking about!" I shouted at them. "I can't stay here!"

Hilde placed a hand on my arm and tried to ease me close to her. "Duo, it's for your own good."

"That's right." Quatra replied, looking about the hall. "Let's go to the delegates' chambers. I have a dressing room. You can wait there for us."

I felt cheated. I tightened my fists until my knuckles were white. Angry, I stood fast, not wanting to move. Only I could find Heero. They had no right to treat me like a child. Heero understood me and only I could stop him. "Quatra." I said sharply. "This is a mistake."

"It's going to be all right, Duo." He said leading us down to a door at the end of the entrance. Wood carved vines and flowers trimmed the frame adding an earthy look to the seemingly gaudy hall.

Sweating, I adjusted my priest's collar and pulled out my crucifix. "Damn it..."

"Relax, Duo. It isn't your mission any more." Hilde continued in an attempt to ease me.

Relaxing was out of the question. My body felt tense on the edge of excitement. I had prepared myself for action and the high threatened to take me. Adrenaline, to me, was the best kind of stim and my body almost always produced excess amounts of it.

I was hyperactive.

"Heero will only listen to me." I said. "They need me."

Quatra turned a corner and we came to a series of well secured doors. The place was loaded with cameras and guards.

"Damn." I folded my arms, distracted for a moment. "This place is tighter than Wufei's ass."

Hilde slapped my arm and Quatra jerked to a stop, giggling. "You're so mean, Duo. Honest, but cruel."

"As I said, I'm making up for Heero, the other tight ass." I pranced in place and looked about noticing where the air ducts led and the locations of each surveillance device. No wonder Quatra wanted me to come down here. "Hey Hilde, can you fetch me something to eat?"

The woman stared at me exasperated. "You mean, four steaks, a tray full of fries and an entire pizza didn't fill you up?"

Weakly I shrugged. Recently, I had an unending appetite. "Yeah. If you can find me a few hot dogs..."

"They won't have that here." Quatra said, pausing at a door. "But you might find him some quiche or something at the concession stand upstairs at the entrance."

"Quiche?" I moaned. "Fluffy eggs with pastry and milk? I don't know about you rich guys, but I'd like to have some substance. Meat, meat, that's what I crave."

"More like nitrates." Hilde said flatly. "I'll see what I can do." We kissed on the lips, but I kept it short and she trotted back the way we came.

A part of me felt relieved she was gone. She'd at least be safe from me.

"You are eating a little more than usual, Duo." Quatra started to say.

Alexie.

The boy's words blotted out of my mind as I caught a glimpse of the man's short waisted uniform and piercing blue eyes as he brushed by and rounded the corner after Hilde.

Unable to speak, I bounded off after him, body quaking with vibrant amounts of energy. I would have my chance. In the distance I faintly heard Quatra calling me, but I kept going. My vision focused as if in a tunnel. All I could see was him and his leering smile as I floundered on the floor, bloody and shamed by his cruelty.

"ALEXIE!" I bellowed on the top of my lungs. I whipped my pistol up and cocked it. "STOP, RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BLOW YOU TO HELL!"

To my surprise, he stopped and turned to me.

The world twisted into slow motion. Our gazes met. He had no fear on his face. "Hello, Duo. I see you're here for phase two."

Phase two? My hands shook as if I could no longer hold the gun. I squinted and steadied myself. "It stops all here. Your plans are over." I replied.

He smiled mockingly at me. "Are they? You can't kill me, Duo."

I pulled the trigger.

My fingers wouldn't budge. It was like my body froze. My heart pounded as if trying to escape from my chest. I tried to pull it again, but those burning eyes just wouldn't let me.

Alexie advanced until his face was close to mine. I felt his breath against my ear. "My little Reaper, you're mine. It's too late for you."

Sickened yet drawn by his voice, I kept his stare. I swallowed, the gun dropped to the floor. "Why can't I..."

"Ashes to ashes, Duo... Remember, ashes to ashes..."

Feathers drifted down into my vision slowly at first and a light bloomed before me. Alexie vanished and in his place the Angel stood. I stumbled, pain blasting all over my body. With a scream, I collapsed to my knees, holding my head. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, rang in my mind. The world around me became a grave, and I, a helpless child, staring at the demon inside of me.

Awed I touched it, no longer caring what happened to me. Everyone I ever cared for was gone. The benevolent God I wanted to love so didn't exist. Not for me. My soul was contaminated. I sold it to the devil.

It was my destiny. We joined hands and fused together. I became it, a dark vision of the miracle I waited so long to see as a child, blackened ash wings and a heart of uncaring ice. Life no longer held any meaning. My only remaining purpose was for the blood of my victims. There was no more pain.

"Your destiny, my herald. Go, do as you are ordained." The being within me spoke. I opened my hands and palmed a perfect ebony cylinder.

Cold, my limbs, my mind, everything became unbearably cold. I held the thing tight. With a thought, it lengthened into a pole and a blade burned into existence at it's end. Fascinated, I studied it, understanding the truth of my fate.

I survived all these years because I was the Reaper. I lived for Death and Death didn't discriminate.

Lovingly I stroked the weapon. The Death Scythe was only a reflection of what I really was.

"Very good, my beloved child." Lips touched my cheek then slipped to my mouth. "My dearest Death Angel."

A second later, I was in the hall. Quatra stumbled around the corner, horror and concern in his wide eyes.

"Duo?!"

I cut him swiftly across the abdomen with the scythe. His blood splattered across my face and against the walls. With a gasp of bewilderment, the child crumpled to the floor.

Heero

I set up my sniper rifle on the balcony overlooking the great satin curtained stage. Here, I had a clear view of the meeting hall. The high ceiling was supported by

buttresses and carried the sounds of the chattering people up to me clearly. At one time, this building housed a great symphony and was considered the best sound stage in the world. The hall was immense and the rows of red velvet seats lined narrow walkways. People filtered in and seated themselves in various assigned spots.

For two days, I paced the great hall studying its every expanse. I knew every nook and cranny, every curtain rod and sand bag. I familiarized myself with the lights and the seats. Nothing in the room surprised me. It had five exits, one back stage and four in the seating arena. Two double doors were the entrance, and two smaller ones near the stage. There were five hundred seats in the area, and fifty actual delegates. The rest of the observers were translators, bodyguards, assistants and reporters. The total population of the room would equal two hundred and fifty.

Dropping a bomb was out of the question and poison was too risky. I had no choice but a hit and run.

The main council sat up front with Relena's aides and the outer colonies' ambassador. According to the meeting outline, Relena would give an opening speech, then introduce Ambassador Gunn. When he came on stage, I'd have a clear shot of his head and chest. I capped the gun with a silencer, so I would have a good chance of escaping before being spotted. I planned to scale down one of the ropes rigging the curtains and slipping out into the back stage where I'd escape via the back door. I had roughly two minutes to do so after firing.

Carefully, I eased the rifle and set its scope on the stage podium. The lights began to dim on schedule and Lady Una stepped out. Dressed in a fine silk dress, she graced the stage with delicate beauty and spoke softly to the room of foreigners. A wave of accented languages washed over the crowd as translators interpreted her words.

I blocked it all out of my mind and focused on my weapon. The pommel dug into my shoulder, making me one with the gun. I paused, a finger over the hammer and waited.

And waited.

Relena Darlian stepped up on stage after a round of applause.

As always, she appeared perfect. Her dress was white and her hair tied tightly in a bun. A jeweled hairpiece glittered under the intense stage lighting. She walked up to the podium and smiled genuine adoration to the crowd. "As we all now know," She began. "We are no longer alone..."

My vision bathed in red.

A woman's scream echoed in my mind. Blond hair and angelic features blurred as I tightened my finger on the trigger.

My mission...My heart slammed relentlessly against my chest and my head ached. Something was driving me to destroy her.

It was she who ruined me. She gave me conscience and was responsible for the deaths of millions. I clenched my teeth remembering how Relena used her false innocence to distract me from my work.

"HEERO!" A foot connected with the rifle in my hand and sent it soaring across the floor. Taken off balance, I stumbled, my back striking the soft curtains behind me.

Trowa landed cat like on the banister, his slender legs ready to spring once more if necessary.

"You can't stop me." I said to him coldly. "The bitch must be terminated."

"Not so fast, Heero Yuy." An icy cold katana blade touched my adams apple. Steel unswerving eyes stared at me. Wufei edged the sword closer to my throat. "I would not do something I'd regret if I were you."

Out of the five us, next to me, Trowa and Wufei were the most dangerous. Wufei was highly skilled in hand to hand combat and a black belt in multiple forms of martial arts.

Trowa was an acrobat and an expert in all guns and knives. I eyed him carefully, noting six hidden throwing stars and two knives hidden on his person. His pistol was leveled between my eyes.

Unlike Duo or Quatra, they'd kill me if they could.

I didn't have Wufei's skill in hand to hand, nor did I have Trowa's level of speed and agility. I did have skills comparable to them both, but not as good. What I did have over them was one hellish constitution and the strength of ten men.

I also didn't feel pain.

And in a rage, nothing could stop me.

In a blink, I dropped down faster than they could follow and kicked out Wufei's legs. Trowa came after me, flipping off the banister and swinging a roundhouse at my head. I dodged him and slugged him in the gut as he landed.

Wufei's sword sliced though my shirt, nearly cutting my spine in two, but my brain registered the blow milliseconds before it came. I slipped out of the path, feeling the shave of steel scratch my back. I felt a faint trickle of blood.

Swinging around, I grabbed the katana with my hands. Its edge bit, but I held fast, and steered Wufei into the curtains. I sprang a knife to my palm and flicked it to the curtain rod, slicing though the rings holding the great folds of fabric. They plummeted down, covering Wufei for the moment.

Trowa was on his feet again, and I felt the sting of one of his throwing stars. It thudded into my shoulder, spinning me off balance. The acrobat laid fists on me three times before I returned his blows with a kick to the groin.

A gun blast buzzed by one of my legs.

Wufei was up again. This time he had my rifle. "Heero, we are not here to kill you." He said coolly. "But of you continue to be disagreeable, I will gladly do so."

He wouldn't hesitate.

Trowa was recovering from my kick and down below, Relena's voice echoed through out the hall, oblivious.

"Heero, Duo is with us." Trowa said, straightening painfully. His dead eyes only mirrored his pain for a few moments, then returned to his glassy lifelessness.

None of us knew fear.

No, except for Duo and Quatra, and I resented them for it.

They were more human than I was.

My mission had to be completed. I lunged for Trowa. He'd still be weak from my last attack.

Instead, the youth side stepped me, and dug one of his knives in my side.

I bit him.

He returned the favor by slamming me in the nuts.

The pain was brief and suddenly I didn't care for anything anymore. Sheer rage drove me to pound Trowa's head into the banister. I felt the butt of a gun meet with my shoulder. Effortlessly, I seized it and drove its muzzle into my assailant's face.

Kill, kill, I wanted blood, their blood. How dare they interfere with the mission.

Pain, more anguish that I could imagine hammered into my brain, causing me to recoil. I gasped, and slumped to the floor. Within an instant, both a battered Wufei and Trowa pinned me down to the floor.

My head screamed.

Fire, ice, blackness. I found myself staring blankly at Alexie as he stroked my face, a warm, but mocking smile across his hawklike features. He touched his lips to my ear. "My Dearest Death Angel..."

"Duo." Everything shifted out of focus. Duo was in danger. Something had taken his spirit, the part of him I admired and hated the most, and twisted it.

"ALEXIE...!" I thrashed under the arms holding me. I refocused on the two faces staring at me with a mixture of fear and concern. "Where is DUO?!" I demanded.

"He's fine." Wufei said sharply. "What sort of trick is this?"

"He's not alright!" I said, urgently. Never in my life had I sounded so frantic.

"It's not Duo whose trying to kill the woman he loves." Trowa said tightening his grasp on me. "But I must say, you sound a little stressed."

"Kill Relena?" Confused I stopped struggling and tried to rehash what had happened to me. For some reason I failed to recall why the others had attacked me. The last few moments were gone from my life. "Oh Christ."

"I think he's back." Trowa said to Wufei.

"I don't trust him."

Good job, Wufei. I could always count on him having a level head without a gushing heart. I smiled thinly. "I was trying to stop the Colonial Ambassador. He's planning on killing Relena."

"No, Heero." Trowa said firmly. "You were trying to kill Relena and you nearly killed us when we tried to stop you."

Me, kill Relena? I stared past the brown haired boy my gaze quivered, awash in the overhead lights. A shadow seemed to cross the rigging over the stage. I closed my eyes. What had happened to me. My behavior was akin to the time I nearly killed Duo...

"Alexie."

"Is that the name of the pig who did this to you?" Wufei spat.

I nodded. I was too numb to think or feel anything about being betrayed by Alexie. In a way, I expected it. The only thing I was worried about was Duo. "I'm going insane."

"From what I understand, you won't go alone." Wufei said.

"Can you control yourself?" Trowa asked gently.

I looked around, knowing I could easily over power them if I lost my mind again. "Yeah, now that I know about it."

Wufei glared as Trowa released me and stepped away. "We're already dead if he loses control." He informed, walking to the banister. There he picked up the gun he had lost and shoved it into his belt.

Wufei still kept his sword aimed at my throat. I made no objection. If Alexie was really controlling me, I'd be better off dead. "I felt Duo." I said, mouth dry. I couldn't explain why my feelings were so strong, but the connection was there. It was thinking of Duo that snapped my brain back under my control. I shoved my hands in my pockets, not sure what to do. I could easily run off, my instinct drove me to do so. But I did that last time, and landed myself into the hands of the creep responsible for brainwashing me in the first place. That is, if Duo was right.

"You feel Duo? What do you mean?" Trowa asked. He eyed me uneasily, trying to read my posture. He doubted me some, but at the same time, he knew I had impeccable instincts.

"He was in pain. Screaming in his head...Alexie was with him." I rubbed my neck. "I can't tell you when or why it happened, but very recently, we've become sensitive to each other. I think it's a result of the process."

"I don't see Quatra in the room..." Trowa observed. Just a slight hint of color faded from his complexion.

A shout, followed by countless screeches, brought me to the rail. Something cloaked in black descended down from the catwalk above the stage to land just behind Relena.

I caught a glimpse of pure white silver energy.

Before anyone could move, a scythe, arched up.

I leapt over the banister and plunged forty feet to the stage below. I bounded into Relena, shoving her across the stage, and rolled, just as the scythe sliced through my shirt and burned a trail across my back.

The blare of guns echoed in the hall as countless security guards fired at the form in the center of the stage. I flopped to my belly and stared as it stumbled two steps back and deflected several shots with the weapon in its hands. The cowled face reflected pasty white, and the body was unhindered by the valley of fire riddling its frame. A brilliant green glow flickered around it as it stepped toward Relena. Anyone in its path was quickly gutted and tossed aside with monstrous strength. The ordinary schmucks nearby moved like molasses in comparison.

"Shit..." I squinted. No one else seemed to see it, but I did. Bright glowing black energy ribbons seemed to emanate from an ethereal winged form. "Grim Reaper..."

The image faded as Trowa and Wufei joined the skirmish on the stage.

Vaguely I heard Relena's voice demand the firing to stop as we took over the battle. Wufei in front slashed down with his sword and Trowa struck it in the back with a hard swift kick. I watched fascinated as the scythe spun around, the pole blocking the sword, then whizzed up to crush into Trowa's hip.

"This is my fault." I whispered. Out of the corner of my eye, Relena struggled to stand with the aide of Lady Una. The older woman had given up on firing at the relentless death spirit.

I had to work fast. Duo saved me from doing something I'd regret for the rest of my life. I owed him a big favor.

Trowa lay on the floor, clutching his leg, while Wufei skidded into the podium, blood spraying from his lips.

Both Death and I moved at the same speed and at the same time. I threw my body between it and Relena Darlian as the energy blade hissed though the air and into my gut.

I seized the pole in both hands, and despite the pain, plunged it deeper into my belly.

The momentum dropped the cowl from Death's face.

Duo's lifeless blue violet eyes glowed golden from a mane of long unkempt hair. The only emotions on his face was a manic grin as the blade burned into my body.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..." I began. I did not believe in his god, but I prayed Duo would hear my voice.

I saw a flicker as agony rimmed his spiritless gaze. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." Tears filled his eyes as he became aware of me.

"Thou prepareth a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou anointest my head with oil. My cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

"Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust. Everything I touch turns into dust..."

"Duo."

"Oh Christ, what have I done?!" Quaking, his voice whispered as he awoke from his walking sleep. "Jesus, my soul...What have I done?" Duo scanned the room and the horrified faces of those around us.

Behind me, Relena sobbed.

I let myself grin and sink slowly to my knees. He was himself for now, though I did not know for how long. The blade in my gut vanished as I slid to the floor. Little blood showed, save from the initial stab. My wound was cauterized, but I knew I had internal injuries. "We're even now."

"Even?" Duo sank down with me, his lungs gasping with tears. Hysterical, he clutched his head, and began to screech like a banshee.

Safe now, security flooded the stage and took the boy by the arms. He didn't fight. By the look of his hollow grief worn gaze, he'd hang himself when he got the chance. I tried to reach for him, but Relena took my hand instead and pulled me close. "Heero? What's happening? Why is Duo trying to...?"

"It's not his fault... It's not his fault..." I whispered, pressing into her warm breast. "All I wanted to do was find out my real name. That's all I wanted. Why did he have to suffer?"

"He won't suffer now, Heero. None of you will. I'll make sure no one is hurt and you'll make sure we understand everything that has happened." She looked over to Lady Una who nodded. Just rest now. It's all over."

The world darkened and I let the blackness take me away.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The Road to Redemption

"You know, I really thought you were dead." I said flatly for the second time to the scientist before me. It was rather surprising to find both he and his colleagues survived the explosion at the end of the war.

Doctor J smiled. "You should know better than that, Heero. A good mad scientist always has an escape plan."

I shook my head, amused. Somehow I had missed it, but I was rather happy he was here. After all, only he and his colleagues would be able to fix Duo and I up.

"You're healing very well, Heero." Doctor J said while he studied my chart.

I sat on an examining table with nothing but a pair of shorts on and a bandage about my waist. It took twelve hours of surgery to knit my body back together, and even so, I lost one kidney and a great deal of my large intestine. Duo did a rather impressive job. I had to admit, I liked him better on my side. I was bedridden for a week, but with a little stubbornness, I was up and moving. I was recovered enough to move around, though trapped in the confines of the psychiatric wing of the hospital.

The others were recovering. Duo shattered Trowa's hip and Wufei broke six ribs. Quatra suffered from burns across his chest and belly. The boy lost a piece of his lung and spent most of the last week on an oxygen machine. From what I understood, he was just removed from intensive care this morning.

Duo wasn't doing very well. He hadn't spoken to anyone or eaten very much since his breakdown and last night he tried to commit suicide by hanging himself with his bed sheets. He was now in solitary confinement, a kinder word for the rubber room. I was disturbed by the thought, remembering how Duo never dared to show any depression. Morbid as he was, he acted as if he had all the hope in the world. I looked at my hands, remembering how many times I had attempted to die and failed to do so. It was sickening to have Duo following the same path. I sighed and studied Doctor J. "How long am I stuck in the psycho ward?"

"I don't know. It's going to take some time to deprogram you." Doctor J informed, scribbling down something in his files. "You're recovering very well, you might be strong enough to have the second procedure."

I exhaled. Alexie had placed a device in my skull, and from what Doctor J claimed, it operated similarly to the Zero device when activated. Most likely, Alexie's people captured me, put the thing in my brain and processed me before letting me go. My first mission was to kill Duo, then eventually the other three. I, of course under the influence of the Zero System, thought I was going insane.

In reality, it controlled me and turned me into a heartless monster again.

I touched my skull behind my ear. There was already a bandage wrapped around my head where Doctor J examined the device and deactivated it. "Are you sure you can get that thing out without killing me?"

Doctor J clasped my head with his good hand and turned my face. "Of course I can. So boy, what were you trying to prove and was it all worth it?"

"I know my name." I said flatly. Ashamed, I looked down, then up at him with anger. "You knew who I was all along. You knew about all of us."

"Yes, all of us did. It was necessary. But none of us planned on processing all of you to the extent Alexie wanted." He crossed the room, the apertures of the cybernetic eyes contracting from the sunlight. "After the first procedure was completed on all of you, and most of you, save for Quatra, lost your memories, it was decided the rest of the procedure wasn't necessary. So we..."

"But I remember some. Odin..."

He waved me to be silent. "You remember things Odin and I wanted you to remember." He yawned. "Now, where was I?"

"The procedure. The Flanagan Process." I reminded with a dry mouth. I recalled reading about it when Alexie convinced me he had the cure to the madness the procedure induced. "What the hell were you all trying to prove by using a two hundred year old experiment on us?"

"We need perfect soldiers." Guilt clung to Doctor J's tone. He kept his attention to the window. "When I received word from G that little Duo had run away after the procedure, I almost stopped. I realized then what it would do to all of you."

"But of course you couldn't." I slipped off the examining table and hobbled to the chair where my T-shirt hung. I slipped it on, then grabbed my crutch.

"The Maxwell Church Massacre on L2 made it imperative we continue. So I did what I did to you." His cold cyborg gaze met mine. Doctor J smiled fondly. "I remember how innocent your eyes were, Heero. You became my perfect soldier."

"Yeah." I limped to the window and watched the sunlight flicker though the leaves of a nearby tree. "Perfect soldiers."

"For the perfect weapons."

"I should kill you for it." I said, keeping my hatred at bay.

He put a hand on my shoulder. "But you can't because I know how you tick, my boy, and without me and my colleagues you'll all suffer."

He almost sounded like he regretted it. "And the insanity? Alexie wasn't treating that, was he?"

"He was in a way. The process depletes the brain of vital chemicals that maintain mental stability. Most of the patients who undergo the procedure become schizophrenic. Alexie used the Zero device in your head as a double edged sword." A flock of birds settled on the branches of the tree below. Doctor J watched them for a while before speaking again. "When he needed it to keep you stable, the device stimulated the centers of the thyroid to generate the proper chemicals. When he need you to kill, he deactivated that function and had it shut down the parts of the brain that controlled your reason and conscience."

If the Zero device was the only thing keeping me sane, presently I wasn't sure whether I wanted it removed. I leaned my back against the window and looked down to the floor. "Let me guess. Neither function will work without the other."

"You're very bright for a compulsive stubborn boy." Doctor J replied. "I have come up with a chemical therapy for you and Duo. It should stop the seizures you've been having as well as keeping your minds clear of any other side effects of the Flanaganization."

"Like the link?" To be honest, I'd be sorry to let the link go. It was rather comforting to have the little bastard in my head. I pushed my hair from my eyes. It had grown some when the Zero device in my brain sped up my metabolism, but it wasn't long enough, nor did I take enough damage during the activation to make much of a difference. Duo on the other hand was activated for about fifteen minutes and in constant action. I still didn't believe he healed most of his gun shot wounds before they took him to the hospital.

The Zero devices had their advantages.

"I'm afraid so. I don't think you boys are ready for becoming the next step in human evolution." Doctor J smiled. He reached out and touched my head, affectionately. Even though I disliked the contact immensely, I kept still to humor then man. "Don't worry. It will be like taking insulin or other related drugs. You'll recover in time. I'm more worried about the brainwashing myself."

"So am I." I nearly killed Ms. Darlian and hated Alexie and his handy work for it. I didn't dare go near the girl because of it. The only reason I hadn't left the hospital to hunt Alexie down was the fear I'd just snap into assassin mode and go after Relena again. I folded my arms and closed my eyes. "Alexie had me for almost four months."

"Truthfully Heero, it may be a year before you're out of here." Doctor J sounded sympathetic.

I had no intention on being in the loony ward for a year. "Well I guess it's better than being a homicidal maniac."

"I'd say so, but then again, I'm mad in other ways." he said with a maniacal grin.

I took one long look at the funny long haired man. His obvious cybernetics frightened me as a child. Now I was actually used to him. In a way, he was like a father to me. Yes, he did take me as a child and turned me into something I despised, but he had his reasons, and in a way, they were very noble. "You don't need to remind me."

"I'll arrange it so you can speak to Duo and perhaps the others." Doctor J said, surprising me. "But tell me first, do you feel any different now that you know your real name?"

I shrugged. I hadn't thought about it. Until now, I scarcely remembered the name list. My name was Akira Yuy, but my parents were not mentioned. But I had my suspicions. Odin often hinted at my relationship with Heero Yuy, but I never remembered enough outside of knowing Odin to confirm it. "No, but I never thought I would. I just couldn't close that chapter of my life without knowing who I was."

"And now that you know, what are you going to do."

I inhaled and blinked at the sunlight. It was like coming out of a cave for the first time in my life. It didn't matter I was the son of Heero Yuy.

"Now I can start all over again... and when I'm ready, I 'll go to Relena. After all, it's where I belong."

Duo sat in the corner of the room, white strait-jacket binding his arms. His long light brown hair oozed sloppily over a bandage around his head. He was deathly pale and his rich blue eyes were dull. They stared blankly at one of the cushioned walls.

I paused in the doorway, looking at his face. His thoughts were muddled and pained. The link between us was still strong. I knew it was the only advantage I had over the doctors for reaching him. So for a couple of hours, I chose to be an enlightened being, forgo the drugs and put up with the pain and seizures for Duo. I squinted, realizing how strong the despair was in his presence. It resonated though our link relentlessly, making me feel like I was drowning in his torment. I placed a hand on a wall and hobbled in without my crutch.

My journey was short. I picked up a few of his thoughts. It hurt a little to read him, but I pushed myself anyway and eaves-dropped. Yes, he hated himself and he was confused, but he didn't really want to die. He feared he had no soul. Duo was convinced he'd go to hell.

"Hey." I abandoned the wall and clumsily hobbled across the padded floor. "You suck as a homicidal maniac. You have no imagination." I stopped in front of him, carefully noting how he didn't move to look at me. His thoughts ignored my presence. He wasn't listening. "I'm still alive, Duo. So is Relena. You're not cut out to be a real killer."

Glassy eyes continued to stare. He was incredibly thin, just a shell of the guy I remembered. I licked my lips, hating what I saw. I insisted on claiming he was like me, but in fact he was nothing like me. We were opposites right down to the very music we listened to. "You also rot at being a mental patient. You can't even commit suicide right. You should go back to being a priest."

His eyes closed and he made a strange gurgling sob in his throat. He heard me. He was just being stubborn. Duo wanted to wallow in his grief.

I dropped down to his level and eased myself to the floor. I wasn't very good at expressing my feelings and wasn't sure how to go about telling Duo how rotten I felt he got sucked into my crusade. I bit my lip and watched his face.

When he opened his eyes, tears rolled down his cheeks. "You couldn't do any better in the suicide department."

"That's because there was this asshole named Duo Maxwell who kept on getting in the way." I replied. Awkwardly, I dropped a hand on his shoulder, then lifted it to his chin. "I never thanked you for it either."

"That's because you're the asshole." He met my gaze, weak voice cracking from lack of moisture. "I'm sorry...I don't know if I know who Duo Maxwell is any more."

Alexie stripped him of everything. I touched his cheek, then removed my hand. He lost his innocence, and himself. "I'm going to kill him for both of us, you know." I said as my lip tightened.

He shook his head, his hair bobbing as he did so. "Damn it, Heero. Don't you know when to stop?"

"Yeah, but you're hurt, and it's the only thing I know how to do." I looked at him puzzled to as to why he appeared displeased with me. Duo knew my best skill was as an assassin. "I lied when I told you, you were just like me."

"But you were right, weren't you?" He heaved in a shaking breath, his chin dropping to his chest. "I killed." His mind zipped though images of death and the last moments of his rampage as the Grim Reaper. It wasn't the actions bothering him. It was that fact he enjoyed it.

"Quatra, Trowa and Wufei are fine. Ok, you greased a few guards, but it's nothing compared to what I did. You'll have to work a lot harder if you want to compare yourself to me." I folded my arms and tried to look as uncaring as possible. Duo was comfortable around me that way. "So let's stop this self punishment bullshit and get on with your life."

He drew his knees up and buried his face within them. "It was like dreaming. I was Death, Shinigami...I had to kill. I enjoyed it...I..."

"Alexie screwed with your brain. He just used your fears and pain against you." I scolded. How could I make him understand, none of this was his fault. "You were being controlled by a Zero device in your brain."

He reached up to his head and touched a bandage there. Unlike me, Duo was well enough to under go the difficult surgery to remove the device. "It made me..."

"It changed your brain chemistry and turned you into a psychopath." I explained. Relief relaxed his features. His mood lightened some. "Come on Duo. This role reversal thing has got to stop. I think I've done more talking in these last few minutes than I have the entire year."

He laughed and shook his head. For a moment, the Duo I remembered looked back at me. "You were always such an dick. I was damned happy hiding in my delusions at the church."

"Yeah, but it wasn't what you wanted. You only did it because Father Maxwell wanted you to become a priest." In truth, I wouldn't have come down on him about it, if I realized he really wanted to be a priest, but doing it out of penance was down right wrong to me.

"I did it because it was the only way to wash my hands of death. I was sick of death, OK?! I hated myself! I wanted to be free of what I had become."

He shouted, then his voice dropped into a whimper. Duo fell against me crying.

I wondered if I had pushed him too far. Stupidly, I touched his face, then wrapped an arm about his shoulder. He quivered and sobbed for some time.

When he finished, he pulled away.

"Are you done being a cry baby?" I asked, but remembered to keep my voice from its habitual sarcasm.

"Good. Let them help you and leave the suicide business for the real cuckoos." I said.

He cocked his head and wiggled a little, trying to move his hands. His mood definitely changed. He wanted to be helped. "I'm sick of this thing."

"That's a start." I was happy he responded to me. "Now let me apologize. I'm sorry I dragged you into this. You're my closest friend. I know I don't show it, but I don't want to see you hurt."

Started, Duo smiled. "But I..."

"It's not your fault, it's Alexie's. And if you want to, I'll wait until you're out of this joint before I track him down. Then we can both kill him."

He nodded and turned so the straps of the jacket faced me. "It's a deal. " He looked over his shoulder, eyes wide and wet. "Now, I've got a real bad itch..."

Duo

Heero and I talked for another hour. He acted more openly to me and often admitted his feelings. When I asked about it, he mentioned the link and said I'd know when he was lying. We had a several chuckles and at my request, he removed the straitjacket.

Happy to have my arms free, I stretched and walked about the room. I even did a few tumble saults and full body falls. Heero thought I was behaving like a little kid. I just decided rubber rooms were kind of fun. They were sort of like a large stunt mat.

I was sad to see Heero go and even more disappointed the medicine to keep us sane would destroy our link. So once more, I slouched on the floor and tried not thinking about the last few days.

Faint voices spoke outside of my room. Stretching, I stood up. My belly growled and I felt very weak. This fasting deal had to stop. I'd ask the fellow guarding me to get some food and hopefully he'd fetch my doctor as well. With this on my mind, I walked over to the door and peeked out the barred window.

A tiny man with a huge head of mushroom cut gray hair and a schnoz to match stood before my guard speaking in quiet tones about my condition. I sank down to the door, tense and unsure what to do. The man lied to me all my life and in truth, he could have prevented a great deal of anguish by being honest with me.

"Did Mr. Yuy speak to young Maxwell?" The man's voice asked.

He was alive...

He staged my life.

He set me up to stow away on the sweepers' ship.

He let Solo and so many others die in order to make me Death.

"YOU GOD DAMN MOTHER SUCKING, CUM EATING SCUMBAG!" I screamed on the top of my lungs. Furious, I slammed my body against the door several times in hope I'd get their attention. If I was lucky, I could break out and throttle the little creep.

"Oh dear, yes, I do think that's him now." Doctor G sounded amused. "A loud one, isn't he? I've always been pleased with his spirit."

"I'll TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF AND EJECT IT OUT THE FUCKING AIR LOCK WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" I wanted him dead again and didn't care if it meant I'd spend the rest of my life doing somersaults in a rubber room. The man had to pay for his sins.

"He's berserking." The guard sounded worried. I heard him moving away from the door, no doubt to summon a few hospital thugs to take me out with tranquilizers.

Doctor G laughed to my great dismay, unaffected by my bantering. "You don't need to call for any help young man. The boy is harmless. He just throws quite a temper when he's upset. In fact, I do believe the boy's quieted himself now. I'd let him out in a few hours when he cools down."

I froze and slumped against the door, weary and frustrated. Every time I got up the guts to smear the guy, he'd say something rather heart warming or to my advantage. Angry, I folded my arms and pouted. A part of me hated the man, while the other liked him a great deal. Sure he destroyed my life, but he was just doing his job, right? I shook my head and chuckled. I'd deck the fucker when I got the chance, do a little colorful cursing, then put it all in the back of my mind. No one could change the past and killing would never bring those I loved back.

Especially Father Maxwell or Sister Helen. "Damn, I hate having a conscience."

Well, at least my life was returning to normal.

The new room had a window overlooking a vast courtyard with trees and a small pond. In the distance, mountains stood like purple giants. You couldn't get a better view anywhere. "Never thought I'd have a room with a view in the loony bin." I thought, plopping onto the bed. There wasn't anything sharp in the room and most of the chairs and furniture were bolted down.

I sat down near the window on the corner of the bed and looked out at the flower garden and shrubs below. It was very peaceful and right now, my brain craved peace.

I took a deep breath and rubbed my brow. Shortly after leaving the padded room, I had another headache and was forced to allow Doctor G to inject me with the serum Heero told me about.

I didn't know what I disliked more, the headache or the foggy fuzzy headed sensation the drugs induced. Doctor G said I'd get used to it and warned me to stop the stims and whatever other drug of the week I used to keep myself going. I agreed, promising myself I'd keep my act clean like it was when I tried to be a priest.

It would be very tough. A street thief gone terrorist was a hard act to forget.

Then there was Alexie. His programming made sure I'd be locked up until I was free of his influence. The only problem was he used a part of myself against me. Even though I didn't like the idea, I had to face the fact I was all along as loopy as Heero. A part of me really believed I was a death god.

I tried to hide from it when I became a priest.

But I couldn't hide from it now. I brushed my hair from my shoulders and let it dribble down my back. I hadn't bothered braiding it when I showered this morning. I just brushed it out and let it hang. In many ways, it symbolized the loss of my innocence. I'd never be able to go back to being exactly who I was. Alexie scarred me forever.

I didn't believe Heero when he said we had nothing in common. I was a killer just like him, and soulless as well.

I just had to learn how to live with it.

I strayed a glance to my cross and Bible on an end table near the bed, then closed my eyes against tears. I failed Father Maxwell too many times. I could never bring myself to disappointing him again.

I could never be the man of peace he wanted me to be.

The miracle I witnessed when I died had very little meaning now. Alexie destroyed that too. I wasn't even sure whether it was real or not. What I did know was I was empty inside.

"I understand you had a very bad week, Duo." Father Donaldson's voice said from the door.

I opened my eyes and wiped a tear from my cheek. "Father? What are you doing here?" I went to stand, but he gestured for me to remain seated.

"Well you see, I got myself a new Harley and wanted to try it out. It's a nice little antique and took me about two weeks to put the thing together." He crossed the room and picked up my Bible and cross from the end table.

I smirked. Father Donaldson's down to earth nature always comforted me. He often reminded me of Father Maxwell. "So...You came all the way from Boston to Japan to tell me this. A very long trip for a bike, isn't it?"

He sat down beside me and peered out the window. "Nice view."

"A bit too nice if you ask me. I'm sure I'll loose my mind if I start seeing basket weavers out there." I motioned a circle at the side of my head with my index finger. "Your bike's in good shape. Quatra has it as his place in Saudi Arabia. I'll have him get it back to you as soon as he is well."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. The bike is yours." He dropped a hand to my shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. I went to speak, but he shook his head and continued. "I remember when I first met you, what, two years ago?"

I folded my hands on my lap and twitched my fingers uncomfortably. "Yeah, about that...It was when I first arrived here on my mission."

"Yes, I'll never forget you, Duo. You gave me my sister Helen's rosary, asked me for the names of your contacts here."

"I remember." I felt so small then. I stepped into his church, knowing I didn't belong and not daring to admit to him I no longer believed in any god, save perhaps for death.

"You were a pistol. Just like Helen described. She loved you very much, Duo."

I shrugged. "I loved her." I wanted to cry, yet I was too numb to do so. Besides, I let go of Sister Helen a long time ago. "What's the point."

Father Donaldson placed the Bible on my lap and closed my hands around it. He encircled the crucifix around my neck. It dropped onto my chest. I went to remove it, feeling like I was unworthy of its very presence. "Please Father..."

"You had half of soul then, Duo. You traded it to protect the colonists. I thought it was very noble of you to sell yourself to the devil for all of us."

"He still has my soul." I said softly. I still heard Alexie's voice echoing in my mind. My little death angel... I shuddered and involuntarily clutched the book in my hands. "I don't think I can ever escape it."

Again he squeezed my shoulder and his soft gaze held mine. "Duo, only you can save your soul. God forgives us every time we sin. Every life you've taken, every lie, every broken promise, every stupid little thing you steal, it's all forgiven. That's his job. The only one condemning you to hell is yourself."

I fingered the pages in the book, listening to Father Donaldson. Father Maxwell would say the same thing, if he were alive. If Christ was who he claimed to be, he'd forgive any stupid sin we mortals dished up. If he wasn't, then everyone on the planet would burn in hell.

Ok, so my soul wasn't condemned, but I couldn't forgive myself for letting Alexie control me.

But then Heero said that wasn't my fault either. Alexie played on my weaknesses. I bit my lip and rubbed my eyes. I was running out of excuses for staying angry at myself. "Forgive me Father, I have sinned..." I whispered, voice cracking from the guilt ridden tears spilling down my face.

"Is this a confession, Duo?" Donaldson asked kindly.

I nodded. "Yeah, a big one."

"I only expected as much."

For two hours I recapped my life, starting with the Maxwell's Church Massacre, all the way past the flamingos and Alexie. When I finished, I sobbed for twenty minutes, very unsure where my faith stood or who the hell I wanted to be anymore.

Patient as always, Father Donaldson sat and listened. When I finished, he embraced me.

I had to say seventeen Our Fathers and do some community services for penance. Other than that, Donaldson seemed very proud of me.

In his younger years, he would have toilet papered the flamingos too. But then again, he's a priest with a Harley Davidson fetish.

After we were finished, I felt much better. Sure, I hacked my friends up with a scythe, but they'd forgive me. I was under the whammy when it happened. God only knew how many times we've tried to kill each other just on principal alone. It wasn't anything new.

I stretched and thanked Father before he left.

Together, we walked to the door, I in my jeans and tank top, he in his priest's collar and leather Harley jacket. "We're going to miss you at the church, you know. Miss Goodrich will have no one to accuse of cheating at Bingo."

"Yeah, well, I can do without that, can't I?" I shoved my hands in my pockets, feeling a little more like smiling.

"I suppose." He dug into his jacket and handed me a piece of paper. "When you're ready, I have a friend in South America who's looking for someone with your talents to help run a little missionary. Look her up. It isn't much, but it will qualify for a community service."

Making a pout, I opened the paper up and scanned it. A Sister Rose needed an assistant with a dynamic persona to help her and a Father Marcus to tend to a village of war orphans. I shot a glance up at the priest, realizing he gave me an offer I couldn't refuse. "I was a war orphan."

"You'd fit right in." Father Donaldson said, opening the door. "There is a catch though."

"Oh?" I folded my arms, wondering what he meant by catch. "I avoid catches like the plague."

"You can't lie on the resume. I strongly suggest you tell them everything. They might find it very interesting."

"What, that I'm a terrorist? I thought this was a job as a preacher. You know, a deacon of sort."

Amused he shook his head and walked out of the room. "Of a sort, Duo. Go and find out when you are well. I think it will be good for you. You'll learn a lot about life." He waved farewell and vanished down the hall.

I thought of following, in hope to have a few questions answered, but the security guard at my door put a halt to that with a hand and ushered me back into my little room with a view. I'd be going no place until they determined my conditioning wasn't a threat to anyone.

Oh well. I looked back out my window and noted three figures weaving baskets. My head swam dizzily. "They're coming to take me away, ha,ha, ho, ho, hee, heee... To the funny farm...Where life is beautiful all the time..."

It was going to be a long stay.

Heero

Duo was recovering and I was relieved. It was better things were back to normal. In case of an emergency, all of us had to have our heads on straight.

I sat down on the floor and crossed my legs. I was tired but couldn't sleep. The last few nights were bad for me and I was restless.

Relena haunted my every thought. I despised myself for trying to harm her and wondered if it would ever happen again. I formed tight fists sensing my rage growing. My journey into self-discovery led me to a position forbidding me to obtain my object of desire. My mission had failed.

I'd never be able to face or spend my life with Relena.

"Heero." Her voice drifted into the room like a mourning dove.

I opened my eyes and saw her standing at the door, pale face worn and saddened. "Doctor J said you never wanted to see me again. Why?" Tear filled eyes blinked back anguish.

I breathed deep and exhaled slowly. I always lost my reserve around her. "Relena. I was programmed to kill you. I'm not safe..."

"And you were safe before?" She asked folding her arms. "Heero, I've become quite accustomed to you trying to kill me." She said bravely. "It's no different this time."

"Is it?" I came to a stand and walked right up to her. "I had no control over my orders. I was conditioned to destroy you. I might not be able to stop myself next time."

"Doctor J thinks we can deprogram you and Duo in time." She was admirably courageous.

I suppose that was why I loved her so.

Our gazes met, but I didn't dare soften mine. Her spirit was strong when mine resisted her. "You shouldn't be here."

"Well I am." Relena crossed the room and sat on my bed. "And we need to talk."

"About?" I hesitated before going to her, but finally my heart and curiosity won out. I joined her on the bed and let her take my hands. "I love you." she said. "And I want you to stay with me."

"I don't feel comfortable." I said honestly.

"I know, but I can give you a job. You can help me during my negotiations. I need a good terrorist in case of a conflict. Please Heero. I need you. Let Lady Anne, Sally and Wu find Alexie."

I needed her too, I just didn't know how to say it. I folded my arms and looked down, not sure how to express myself. "I can't give that up. He hurt too many people. He tried to kill you. I can't rest until he is gone. Besides, I hurt everyone I touch."

"I'm willing to take that risk." Relena was firm. She kissed my lips to ensure I understood her feelings. Even if I said no, she'd keep bothering me about it. She was as persistent as she was lovely.

Thoughts of Alexie and his twisted plans vanished in a wash of warm tingles. I'd worry about revenge later. What mattered now was Relena. I let my finger trace down her long golden locks and fondly stroked her face. It was soft and electric to the fingers. "And I suppose you'll bother me until I give in?"

"As always." She said warmly. "How about it? Will you help me?"

It couldn't hurt, especially if it was after Doctor J and his people finished deprogramming me. I returned her kiss. When I pulled away, her cheeks were blushed.

Funny, it was my first real kiss. It felt good.

In fact, it felt better than succeeding with a mission.

Duo was right. Girls were interesting.

Well, Relena was at least. "OK, but don't ask me to fall in love. Not yet."

Her gaze glittered as she looked over to the window. Her life was precious and it meant more than life itself to me. "I don't need to, Heero." she began. "You already are."

There was no reason to fight it any longer. I eyed the floor, then met her gaze once more. Our relationship had been less than perfect in the past. "I should kill you for that."

"I'll be ready then." We kissed once more and I leaned her into the mattress.

When we pulled away, I smiled and for the first time in years felt it. "I know. That's why I keep coming back."

Maybe it was possible for me to find peace. It was time to give it a try. Relena was the perfect place to start. After all, I knew who I was. I was Heero Yuy.

Continued in Paradise Lost : Epilogue


	7. Chapter 7

Paradise Lost

Epilogue

Duo

Doctor G and J spent a good hour debriefing all of us later that day. The only thing they seemed to avoid was how they survived the war. They filed all of us into a fairly large room with a pool table, a few chess and checkers boards, several cushioned chairs, a couch and a TV set hooked to the wall. Painfully, we all listened to them, eyeing the various games scattered about the room and each other.

I often refused to meet anyone's gaze and sat alone in a chair near the window.

Battered, bruised and bandaged, we were a captive audience. Quatra and Trowa were seated very close to each other on the couch and I often spied them touching hands. Quatra initiated the contact each time. Wufei and Heero sat across from each other near a chessboard. Heero leaned on the table, chin on hands, very uninterested in the discussion. No doubt he already knew what they were saying.

Learning about the Numbers Project was difficult enough, but they went into depth about the procedure and the Flanagan procedure. All of us were Flanaganized to an extent over the years, but Alexie pushed it with Heero and me. We were more unstable than the others now, but as we all feared, even Trowa, Quatra and Wufei would deteriorate in time.

"What is the purpose?" Wufei asked after the lengthy description. "So they processed us. They must be trying to achieve something other than to create superior warriors."

The two scientists glanced to each other, their faces troubled. Obviously, Wufei had hit on something. "The original object to the procedure was to create artificial New Types, but that was more than two hundred years ago."

"New Type?" Heero asked, interested. "Alexie used the term once in regards to Quatra and Wufei."

"Yes, well, we were fortunate two of the children were potentially New Types. That's why Quatra is empathic."

"Yeah, and Wufei is such a dick." I said teasingly. Wufei shot me a killing glance and turned his nose up. "I supposed I should expect that from an unevolved barbarian."

I stuck my tongue out and wiggled it obscenely.

"Duo, Wufei, please try to get along." Quatra begged sadly. "I want to hear more about these New Types." He turned his attention to the two mad ones and smiled gently. "Go on."

"The New Types left Earth after many conflicts. It was felt the only way to have peace was for Man to colonize other systems. It was shortly after many colonies were abandoned that a great disaster struck, forcing man to rebuild."

"You're talking about the Meteors?" Wufei asked.

Many of the records regarding the year of the meteors were obscure and a great deal of information regarding the time before it conveniently vanished. I often discussed it with Father Maxwell who believed it was an act of God.

A part of me was beginning to feel it was an act of man.

One particular man, named Alexie. But then again, that was impossible. The man wasn't even born then.

"Funny how the disaster practically wiped out all information on New Types and this artificial New Type process." Heero informed flatly. "So, Alexie dug up this info and decided to make a few artificial New Types."

"Very considerate of him, eh?" I said. "Kind of makes you want to castrate him."

"But wasn't it inevitable that New Types eventually emerge once mankind returned to space after we rebuilt and fled from the Federation?" Quatra asked.

"Of course, and Alexie probably knows this, so he decided to move ahead of the game." Doctor J said. "It's very profitable."

"Boy, it smells real bad in here, doesn't it guys?" I said swishing my soda around my can. "I can really smell the bullshit."

"You're right, the story reeks." Heero agreed. "Ok, doc. Before I run off and get my ass in a second bind, why don't you tell us the part of the story you're omitting?"

Wufei nodded, folding his arms. "Yes, before all of us decide you may talk more truthfully hanging from the window ledge by your toes."

Trowa agreed. Quatra looked horrified. "Perhaps, Alexie's agenda is to eventually take over himself?"

"I'm sure he had resources of his own." Doctor G studied us wearily. "Duo, you always make it a thing to make my life more difficult, don't you?"

I saluted him. "I just call em as I see them. What else? He has at least thirty more kids like us in the project. What happened to them?"

"Some died, others disappeared." Doctor J paced to the window, his wrinkled features flickering dark fear. "He had contacts and resources all over. It's very possible he has his own army somewhere and is waiting for the opportune moment to strike."

"Like after a war that has depleted the resources of both Earth's Federation, corporate affiliates and the colonies, not to mention every nation on the planet." Heero shook his head grimly. "It's not over."

"How old is Alexie?" Trowa asked, curious. "From what I understand, he's been around for some time."

Both scientists nodded. Doctor G sighed tiredly. "I'm not sure, but he hasn't changed since I've known him. He processed himself some time ago and it has some unusual side effects. It prevents the break down of tissue and stunts any growth. Or so he claimed."

Just dandy. Not only was Alexie practically immortal, I'd never see five two.

Shit.

"Well, we'll just have to kill him and make sure nothing's left." Heero explained. "It's not a problem."

Wufei grunted. "I don't suppose you will grace us with anymore information today?"

"You've all had enough to chew on for the next few months." Doctor J turned from the window and crossed the room. "Any questions?"

I raised my hand, uncomfortable with the side effects of the procedure. "Hang on..." I said rather ruefully. "You mean, it stunts growth? I can deal with going insane, but isn't there any treatment for that? I mean, being five one for the rest of my life is extremely unfair."

Doctor G shook his head. "Duo, it's the least of your problems."

"God damn it is! I mean in the chick department, it's a problem. Poor Hilde can't wear high heels around me anymore cause she'll tower over me."

The two scientists looked to each other and shook their heads. "Teenagers, you know." Doctor G began. "Especially that one. He's always on high gear in the hormone department."

Of course they didn't worry about girls. They were both uglier than copulating wart hogs (or plastic pink flamingos, depending on your taste). How could they understand? I on the other hand had to live with the idea of being the size of a teenaged girl for the rest of my life. I brushed my hair over my shoulder, relieved to feel the familiar weight of my braid thump against my back.

"Pathetic." Wufei mumbled. He turned to Heero. He gathered the black checkers in his hand and gestured to the board. "I'd be more worried about the medication we'll have to eventually take."

"I am too, but it doesn't stunt his growth." Heero said setting up his checkers. "Why should he worry? After all, it's only a depressant and he's so damn hyperactive it won't touch him."

"Unfortunate for us." Wufei glanced back to me, his sarcasm playful rather than hurtful. "Well, we won't have to worry about anything for a while, will we?"

"That's for sure." Heero moved his first piece.

I gave Wufei the finger and reached over for my coke. "You're just pissed cause I took you out."

"You were lucky." Wufei responded dryly. He stared at the board for a long time, then nudged a flat chip two places. "And possessed, so it doesn't count."

Quatra nuzzled into Trowa affectionately. "It's okay, Duo. We're all well now and all forgive you."

"Thanks." A part of me still cringed, still seeing Quatra's broken form bleeding on the floor. I was trying to forgive myself for it, but it was very difficult. I gave the kid a wave, attention on the two scientists as they vanished out of the room without even a farewell. "Hmm. They probably think we'll lynch them."

"We will, when we have the time." Heero chewed on his thumb nail. "So about this New Type shit, does anyone here know anything about it?"

"Only what Doctors J and G said." Trowa replied. "I'll look into it when I leave in a few days."

Quatra nodded. "I might have something. I think I recall hearing the word outside of today. From what I understand, it's to do with why the Outer Colonies left Earth in the first place."

I was sick of the plotting and conflicts. My stomach twisted and I looked down at my hand. Blood still stained my soul. I had to do a great deal of community service to clean it. "Hey, that's you guys' business." I said, folding my hands behind my head. I had no intention of poking around any more. Once I was free of this place, I'd be setting off to South America with Hilde and my Harley. "I'm home free. I've got a girl, a potential job and a bike that rules."

"And Alexie?" Heero asked a hint of anger lowering his voice. "I thought..."

"I'm sick of the blood." I simply said. I hadn't healed enough to go after the man. Maybe in a few months, I'd be ready, but I had no intention of losing myself again. The Shinigami had to be tamed before I risked becoming him again. "Heero, I..."

The words were just out of my mouth when Hilde stepped into the room followed by Relena. Both women walked fairly close and Relena kept smiling at something bundled in Hilde's arms.

I frowned and looked at the other confused faces in the room. Wufei peeked up once and pretended to be uninterested. Heero licked his lips and hurriedly looked to me as if surprised and Trowa, lifted a brow. Quatra hobbled to his feet. Grabbing a crutch, he limped over to the women. "Is this Karey?!" He asked excitedly.

Karey? I blinked, eying Hilde carefully. She was dressed in a cotton mini-skirt with a blue silk ruffled blouse. Her face was positively glowing. The bundle in her arms wiggled.

Bundle.

A war orphan? I blinked realizing she held a child.

"Do you know the hell I've been through?"

The words she used against me in Bar Harbor rang out in my brain making me drop the can of Soda with crash. "Ahhhh..."

Relena crossed over to Heero and kissed his cheek. The boy stiffened, then gave the slightest hint of a smile. "No, I'm not interested in having any children."

"I didn't ask." she said, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Children?!" I fumbled out weakly.

Hilde bounced the baby as Quatra leaned over and tickled her chin. "Duo..."

"Mine?" It's amazing how a semi-intelligent, outspoken fellow like myself shuddered like little Abner when it came to my own kid. Kid, oh Christ, kid, my kid... I prayed furiously for it just to be some war orphan she picked up. A lump formed in my throat. I tried to stand, but my legs just shook too damn much to move. "No. Can't be..."

Doe eyed, Hilde nodded. "She has your eyes."

"Oh mother sucking fuck head..."

"There wasn't very much umpth to that one." Trowa observed. "A little surprised, Duo?"

I tried to speak, but muttered nonsense. Me, a father. I couldn't believe it. I stared, then attempted to stand once more. The last thing a guy like me needed was a dependent. "Hilde, we can't have a baby! Can't you send her back?"

"What, to the mall?" Hilde said, cross. "Reality check Duo. I had your kid. The day I found out, you ran off to become a priest."

"Well, that must have sucked," Heero remarked jumping several of Wufei's checkers.

Wufei leaned on his finger, tapping his chin. "Hmmm, it's Duo's timing. It's always rather impeccable, isn't it?"

"Oh I think she's a beautiful baby!" Quatra said cheerfully. "She looks just like her dad too!"

"Will you guys shut the fuck up?!" Exasperated, I seized Hilde and the kid and dragged them out into the hall. Vaguely, in the distance, I heard Relena commenting on how badly I was taking the news. I slammed the door behind me and glared at Hilde. I wasn't ready for children. "Jesus on a pogo stick, Hilde! I'm locked up in a psycho ward. How the hell do you think can be a dad to this..."

Big blue violet eyes blinked up at me and tiny mouth smiled back from a delicate pudgy baby face. She had a full head of light blond hair, just like mine was when I was much younger. "This..." What was I saying? Little fists wiggled and grabbed at Hilde's mouth. "This obvious... baby." Blah. Women and babies were dangerous.

Hilde sniffled. "You can be a jerk about this and ride off in the sunset on your Harley..."

"Hey, I wasn't the ass here. You're the one who didn't tell me! Hilde, I never would have left if you told me." I threw my hands up in the air and turned away from her. The wall conveniently dented as I smacked my skull against it three times. "God damn it! You should have."

"Duo."

After what Alexie did, I could never feel right being a dad. I was a killer, a terrorist, a thief. What in God's name would I do if Karey grew up to be just like me? I clenched my teeth feeling water dribble off my nose. "Hilde, I'm seventeen."

"I'm sorry, Duo. I was so angry at you, I couldn't tell you."

"Why did Quatra know?" I side glanced her, feeling hurt. This had been a real bummer of a week.

"I told him the other day. I didn't have a choice. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid, so I let Relena take care of her until I got back." Hilde's voice quaked with sadness and loss. "Please, Duo, can't you forgive me? I'm very sorry."

"I suppose it was for the better." I said softly. If Alexie had known about the child, what would have happened to her? I turned back to face Hilde and involuntarily touched Karey's soft skin.

It was warm and alive. She reached for my finger and wrapped her little fist about it. "How old?"

"Three months." Hilde sighed. "Do you want to hold her?"

Bashful, I backed up, not sure I wanted to admit to having a kid. It was crazy. I wasn't even ready to face life, let alone raise a family.

Now I was stuck.

I extended my arms and let Hilde place Karey in them. She squirmed and pressed into my chest making me feel like a marshmallow. "Have you ever heard of a shot gun wedding?" I asked, unable to believe my own words. Neither of us were ready to marry, but Karey made it impossible not to.

"We can wait." Hilde said rubbing her arms insecurely. "Whenever you're ready."

I shrugged, remembering the day I decided to join the priesthood. I was never the type to think very long about an important matter. I made snap decisions. I shouldered the door to the room open and peered in at the others' faces. Quatra and Trowa spoke softly on the couch while Wufei finished the checker game by pulverizing the rest of Heero's men. Gloating he folded his arms. "You see, my strategy is, as always, superior to yours."

"Hm, so is your ego." Heero's hand timidly slipped into Relena's. She brightened, and touseled his hair.

Love, it was sickening. It made you do stupid things...

Relena looked up with a perfect pleasant smile on her face. "Is everything all right, Duo?"

"Sure." I said and showed them the kid. "Isn't she cute? She has a great head of hair too. God damn, a mini Maxwell." I then nodded to the hall and Hilde who waited nervously behind me. I inhaled and took the plunge. "I need a best man, bridesmaids and a couple of witnesses. Do you guys mind coming down to the chapel so Hilde and I can tie the knot?"

Silence.

Wufei grunted. "He's going to regret this."

I shrugged. "Never know until you try."

"Let me guess." Heero stood and grabbed a few daisies from a thin vase on one of the tables. "Oh hell, you haven't been married before, why not try? Am I right?" He tossed me the flowers.

Enthusiastically I nodded and caught the makeshift bouquet. "That sums it up. What's the worse thing that could happen?"

"Hen pecking." Wufei informed, walking by me. "And dirty diapers."

Diapers.

Yuck.

"You could fall even more deeply in love." Quatra beamed. "I think it's wonderful."

Diapers.

I looked at the baby, then at Hilde. The concept of marriage and being a dad was more frightening than facing death in a mobile suit.

Oh hell, why not. What was a dirty diaper? At least it didn't smell like rotting bodies. I shrugged it off, and got myself married. The worst thing that could happen was learning about life. I thought I was about due for that.

Three months later...

Duo

After two months in a mental hospital, not only was I deprogrammed, I was damned bored and ready to move on. Despite my shrink's objections, I insisted on moving on with my life and took off to South America with Hilde and the kid. The mission was set back from the Amazon river in a small fishing village just outside the jungle. The poverty was tremendous. The war slaughtered many of the adults leaving countless orphans in various states of starvation and disease.

It would take years to rebuild their economy and even then, they'd never be anything but a relatively poor fishing village.

Hilde acted very uncomfortably as we walked through the falling shacks and battered shelters of the town. During the rainy season, the waters often covered the entire river bank of the Amazon, forcing the few villagers left to retreat to floating platforms or higher ground.

Crazy, I was used to poverty, but I wasn't used to the Amazon way of life. A large population wasn't far away, but they tended to ignore the needs of those here. It was so familiar. Who cared about a few desperate poor children other than the fact they may be a very exploitable work force.

The mission was a stone building close to the creeping jungle. It had a bell tower and appeared very sturdy. The building itself was large, with stone and wood walls. It was very New England church like with a brick extension. From what Father Donaldson claimed, the mission housed a mini medical care facility as well as food storage units. The mission was the closest thing these people had to the modern world. It had electricity.

I went to the door and spoke a few words with Mother Rose, the resident nun. She took my credentials and vanished inside after telling me to wait.

They'd hate me, I thought. Hilde walked around the church grounds, admiring the stone garden and a shrine dedicated to the Blessed Mother Mary. Karey, ever aware and curious, cooed and tried to grab the branches of a few nearby shrubs.

This was really going to put a damper on our relationship. Hilde wanted to return to L2 and empathically insisted on having me give up my quest for internal peace in a life dedicated to a God I barely understood.

But I was drawn to it now, driven by unseen forces to make a life helping others. What would I do when I returned to L2? Join the colonial military? Be hounded as a war hero? I shivered, not wanting that kind of responsibility.

"Hey." A voice said, turning my attention to a small boy standing on the steps before me. He was dark skinned, with a head of tousled ebony hair. He was dressed in a ratty over sized T-shirt and smelled of sweat. "These are my steps." He said in broken English.

I looked around then returned my gaze to his dark unyielding eyes. A chill rippled over my body. He had the eyes of a child who had seen too much of the darker side of life. Eyes like my own. "I don't see any names on these steps."

He blinked and sidled his dirty scuffed up form beside me.

I felt little fingers reaching for my pocket.

Automatically, I grabbed his hand, recognizing a pick pocket when I saw one. "Don't try that with me kid." I warned gently. "You're messing with a kid who's seen the best."

"I just want to get some food." he said, dropping his voice so it bordered the line between hurt and child sweet, a skill I always found useful when I was a child.

"Ask the Nun. I'm sure there's food for you in the mission."

"I don't beg."

Swallowing, I watched Hilde look up from the shrine. She smiled sweetly back at me and waved. This kid was me. "No begging eh? I thought it was begging too. Let me guess. You like pestering the local town and stealing what you like."

"You know all the corners, don't you?" The kid smirked. "Yeah, I steal, and I'm tiny enough to..."

"Hide, but you don't lie and you feel you're perfectly just in doing what you do, cause the world owes it to you." I dropped a hand on his head and scruffed the hair. It was matted with dirt and very knotted. If I was right, the hair was roughly past his shoulders and filled with lice and God knows anything else.

Like mine was when I was a child. He nodded back to me. "So can you let me steal a buck or two?"

I shook my head. "You have too much pride. There is nothing wrong with coming to the mission for help."

I didn't have much of a choice in the matter as I recalled. Father Maxwell took me in with all of the orphans in order to end our lives of crime.

Something I still hadn't been able to give up. "So, what's your name?"

"Don't have one." He said, eyeing his shoeless feet. "Don't remember anything since the bombing."

My gut tightened and a lump formed in my throat.

I was looking at myself. "I understand. Well, I'm Duo."

I offered a hand and he took it. "What brings you here?"

Near the shrine, Hilde put little Karey on the ground so the child could attempt to crawl. I watched for a moment, thinking of the boy's question. "Penance."

"Oh. So you believe in this God crap?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. How about you?" From the way he spoke, I already knew the answer.

"I think God likes to kill people." He removed his hand and brushed his tangled bangs from his face. His gaze was lost and pained.

"Oh...You believe in the Shinigami." I said. "Sometimes, I do too. But it's better to believe in life if you can."

Karey crawled three steps and terrorized a butterfly sitting on a small exotic flower before her. "But I don't expect you to understand that yet."

The doors behind me opened. With the nun stood an older graying man in a collar and robes. He held my credentials and resume. "Mr. Maxwell?" The priest asked, his face warm and welcoming.

I stood, only coming up to his chest and nodded. "Duo Maxwell's the name. Is there anything I can do for you?" My gut tightened. They couldn't possibly want my assistance with the credentials Father Donaldson insisted I give them.

"Father Donaldson said you were looking for a life within the church or assisting our mission with whatever skills you have." His small eyes pierced mine, making me squirm.

I scratched my head, then tossed my pony tail. "Well yeah, I ummm, was a novice."

Mother Rose smiled at Karey and Hilde. "You have a lovely daughter and wife, Mr. Maxwell. Life down here is very difficult. I'm not sure if it will suit you."

"I can take it, and so can the family." I said hurriedly. "Look, I know my record isn't very clean..."

"That's not the point Mr. Maxwell." The priest said firmly. "We need a man with your kind of record. This area is very repressed and the government in control is trying its best to drive us and the mission out of business. They don't care about the unfortunate here."

"They didn't on L2 either." I said coldly. "I can take anything you give me. I just want a chance." I wanted to save lives, not destroy them. I looked at the boy, realizing how imperative it was I stay. He needed me. "Look Father, I don't look like much, but I assure you, I can do a lot for this place. I was a war orphan. I know how they think."

The priest and nun glanced to each other then back at me. Mother Rose met my gaze. "The jungle here isn't like a colony. There's disease, there's animals, there is bombing and the threat of civil war. Can a child like you handle all of those things at once?"

I wasn't a kid, but held back my words. "I'm a kid, but I'm a pro."

"We need medicines and supplies Mr. Maxwell, as well as someone who can help with farming and rebuilding the village here. Can you do that for us?"

I winked and snapped my fingers. "Piece of cake, Father. And what I don't know I'll learn and maybe..." I dropped a hand on the kid's shoulder and squeezed it. "...maybe shorty here can give me the ropes."

The boy glared at me in protest. "I'm not shorty!"

"Then, we're gonna have to find you a name, kid, aren't we? I knelt to his level and stared deep into his eyes. He was me, but a me I could turn around with a little work. "Diamond in a rough." I said softly. "I'll call you Patrick." My real name. It suited him more than me. This boy had hope.

The kid smiled and rubbed his eyes. "OK. It sounds like a good name."

"Good." I gave him a nuggie and stood. "Well, I was thinking about rice patties during the rainy season." I said, meeting the priest's attention. "I'm strong. I can work in the fields. Father Donaldson said I'd do good with a little ministry too." I reached up and tilted my baseball cap down, then realized it was gone.

It sat on Pat's head. He grinned up at me with unkempt teeth. The kid needed a dentist, a good bath and some clothes, but he didn't need me to teach him how to steal. "Didn't I tell you to ask for things?"

He shrugged. "I like it."

"So do I." I pulled the brim over his eyes, then folded my arms.

Mother Rose reached into the doorway, and removed a double barreled shotgun from behind the frame. "These are desperate times, Mr. Maxwell. You can have the job."

I took the gun, understanding what Father Donaldson meant when he sent me here. They needed a terrorist of sorts, who'd protect them and get them what they needed. Someone who'd stage things under their noses. Someone they wouldn't question. They were only apprehensive about my family. Terrorists weren't fathers of babies. I looked back at Hilde who approached, her face pale.

She hoped I'd be rejected. "We're staying?"

"For now." I said. "Until they have their feet on the ground."

"Welcome to the Mission, Duo Maxwell. I hope you and your family will make yourselves at home." Father said. "We're very happy to have you with us..."

*************FINIS***************


End file.
